A tale of Bitches and Bastards:

A tale of Bitches and Bastards:

Sights and sounds of horror as witnessed during the modern battle of the sexes.

I’m sure you’ve all seen the news, read the headlines, and heard your friends talking about the stories over a round of beers. The world has gone gung-ho for equality, started screaming for justice and fair treatment, and all the while, the fat cats and screw heads seem just as content to sit down and say “No, that’s okay. You don’t really need that anyway.” They come in all manner of twisted shapes and colors that lead this writer to strongly believe that someone, somewhere, has begun spiking the communal punch of wisdom with a whole lot of LSD and nonsense.

Some have begun touting for the mandate of womb control under a banner of religion, leaving a wake of impoverished and angry people sweltering in the heat of moral stupidity and finding no shade under the Alamo of self-righteous indignation. Others have found a call to arms against all races for the justice of youth and the mismanagement of violence, never mind the fact they’re posting wrong addresses and shutting down businesses that have fuck all to do with what they’re mad about at all. Others still, are simply content to call out their leaders for being snake oil salesmen and communists – indeed, it seems these days everyone is marching under a red banner of fear, and I’m here to call bullshit on the whole damn circus.

What I’m here to talk about is the equality of humanity, the desegregation of genitals, why what’s between your legs has fuck all bearing on who you are as a person, and why, if you’re hell bent and content to keep that line drawn in the sand, then you’re just as guilty as all these people who’re pissed off that the government wants rights to their wombs and what comes out of them.

We’re going to deal with this whole regulation over who’s got rights to the womb, and we’re going to call it bullshit. Truth of the matter seems to me, that possession is nine tenths of law and, in this case, that other one tenth seems to be populated by a bunch of archaic thinkers who want to lay down stock on their lineage.

The fact that there seems to be a real sense of sexual entitlement about the whole thing, or the fact that some people seem to be forgetting the founding principle that America isn’t told its politics from the pulpit of Christianity, or even the fact that everyone in America is supposed to be given the freedom of personal choice, seems to be completely outside the spectrum of this argument. This whole thing seems to be boiling down to everyone else wanting the right to say what’s right or wrong for someone else.

When, exactly, did we decide we were just going to piss all over that principle and going ahead and inject ourselves with rabies? At what point did the voice of God start coming through my political candidates? Wherein modern American creeds, after the trials of suffrage and the fight for equality, have we decided that women are special, but that they can’t be given any kind of control over their bodies at all? The whole thing stinks to me.

It’s as if the world has suddenly become overrun with some jeering whore-mania, as if every politician on the side of God feels the right to climb the child-bearing bits of women as their own respective property because that’s how God wants it. Right. God wants you to control other people’s choices, judge them, and then decide that you have the authority to throw away things they might need in life because you don’t think their choices are morally sound.

Nobody has the right to make choices about sex for anyone else. I’m sure everyone knows what they call a person who makes choices for others about sex and, if you don’t, I’m going to fill you in: They’re a rapist.  Be it how they have it, how they attempt to stop procreation, or how they feel about not bringing a child into the world. These are choices that fall to the people who’re doing the actual fucking, regardless of what hole or whether or not the intention is for breeding. That’s just the way it is, and these aging bastards, who still cling to their lordly ambitions of sexual ownership need a serious wakeup call on the matter. They’re acting like moral rapists, imposing their values of what is wholesome, good, and proper on the rest of us.

I don’t know about the rest of you, but it seems to fly in the face of American principle values to even be having this argument. The Pilgrims, some of the primary settlers in this country had the right idea – don’t want to follow a religion, get on a boat and get the fuck out, go be free. That’s what this country was supposed to be about; a place where people could be free of the mandates of other people’s ideas of God and to carry on with life as you want to live it. That’s what America was meant to be, that’s how it was designed.

All of you out there who think you’ve got some kind of right to lay claim to someone else’s reproductive organs, I’ve got one thing to say to you: You come for my balls, and there’s going to be blood running down the streets. If I had a uterus, I’d say the damn thing. It’s mine and you can go fuck yourself if you think you’ve got any sort of moral or legal right to it. Everyone has the right to defend their bodies from harm; it doesn’t matter if it’s coming from Capitol Hill or from the pages of someone else’s favorite damnable, self-interpreted, fairytale that, by and large, seems to have completely ignored its protagonist’s lessons. That’s your right as an American and as a human being.

The same thing applies to the whole damn lot of you who seem content to sit around and start spouting off in your “X-hating” rants. You want to sit around and say all women are whores, or that are men are just stupid bastards who like to think with their dicks? Well, let me just say congratulations on stepping into the age of hypocrisy and double standards. I’d say it’s nice to have you here, but I frankly can’t stand the whole damn lot of you.

So gents, here is the news flash for you – you like to fuck. You’re human, just about everyone likes to fuck, and that’s not something that has a damn thing to do with what you’ve got between your legs. You like to fuck and you’re not a whore. You go out with the intention to get laid. You like to look at people naked, and you masturbate in your secret shame. You know what else? You’ve got feelings and that’s okay too.

It doesn’t make you less of a man to have some conviction that doesn’t come from your balls, or to say that you respect women’s rights. It shouldn’t make you some kind of social pariah amongst your peers because you want to stand up for equality and say there’s more to life than a shapely ass, a nice pair of tits, and hips that will push your spawn into the world; not that there’s anything wrong with appreciating these traits either, just don’t make them things. They’re part of a person. Period.

Ladies, same rules apply. You like to fuck. You might like dick, and that’s okay. It doesn’t make you a slut, or a whore. The understanding that you like to have sex, that orgasms feel fucking fantastic and are good for you, doesn’t devalue in a social sense. I understand there are many parts of the world and this country that would have you think it’s a one way ticket to sulfur springs and a place where a fat, red, horny, fucker is going to poke you in a very uncomfortable way – but is that a whole lot different than what’s going on right now anyway?

If you like to fuck, then fuck. It’s really that simple. It’s not about how often you do it, what your favorite position is, whether you take a pill or wrap you shit in latex. It’s not about taking it in the ass – because who doesn’t feel like they do they do these days anyway – or if you like to go down on your respective partner. Not a damn one of these things makes you a slut, because damn near everyone likes to do all of these things.

So what does make you a slut or a whore? Let’s take a look at Webster’s:

Definition of WHORE

1:a woman who engages in sexual acts for money : prostitute; also : a promiscuous or immoral woman

2: a male who engages in sexual acts for money

Definition of SLUT

1: chiefly British : a slovenly woman

2: a : a promiscuous woman; especially : prostitute b : a saucy girl : minx

If you’re to go by the dictionary then, if you’re dirty and fucking for money, you’re a slut, and likely a whore. If you’re just fucking for money, regardless of gender, then you’re just a whore.  The thing that gets me is that there’s even a gender distinction in the latter parts of these definitions. It doesn’t matter what’s between your legs. An immoral person is someone fair to call a whore, or even a slut. Everything about them is for sale because they have no principle on which to stand and think that, if they do, it’s their right to bring everyone else around to their perspective – and since when is calling someone the dictionary definition of promiscuous an insult? Let’s take a look at that while we’re right here:

Definition of PROMISCUOUS:

1:composed of all sorts of persons or things

2: not restricted to one class, sort, or person : indiscriminate

3: not restricted to one sexual partner

4: casual, irregular <promiscuous eating habits>

Looking at this, anyone who fucks for money is a whore and a slut. Any promiscuous or immoral person is a whore and a slut – we’re going to ignore the whole bit where it includes women because that’s rubbish. What the words are basically telling me is that someone who is willing to look outside themselves, consider the world as a whole, and be a diverse and varied person, is both a slut and whore. We all, generally, understand that this isn’t what’s meant when these that are being used, but that’s still the whole truth of what’s being said.

Sure, they want you to think that people are sluts and whores because they like to fuck, and God has no mercy for those who fuck for money. Well, guess what? Lots of people get paid lots of money just to fuck in this country; the catch is that it doesn’t involve a single penis going into a single anus, vagina, ear, nose, mouth, or even damming piercing hole. They get paid to fuck all kinds of people all at once, and yet it’s perfectly okay for these people to stand up and brand all the rest of us a bunch of dirty minxes? I, for one, think not.

Trying to change anything the world in a way that further separates the sexes simply makes you an asshole and it doesn’t rightly matter what side of the line you stand on. You want to stand on your soap box and tout your right, religious or not, to say that you’re better than the other, and someone should slap your ass hard enough to knock you out of the archaic cesspool you seem content to let your thoughts fester in. You want to stand up and say all women who use birth control are sluts, or that all men are womb control freaks who think with their dick? You deserve just the same treatment.

Men and women have one fundamental thing in common: they’re both people. Like it or not, that’s the way it is, and there’s nothing that can be done about it and there shouldn’t be anyone who tries to do something about it. We’re human beings. What gender we are doesn’t make us any more special, neither does what religion we follow, or don’t, or the color of our skin. No one has a right to pass laws, or refuse you anything based on any of these principles, and they sure as fuck don’t have the right to run your life based on how often you like to have sex.

Like was written earlier, there’s one thing every last one of you can do to make this better for yourselves overall. On the smaller scale, this applies to your social situations too and I encourage you to really think about it. It’s not uncommon, regardless of which gender you are, to hear some sordid tale of whorish bitches and unscrupulous bastards. It’s too easy to sit there and say “All men are pigs” or “All women are sluts.” It’s too easy to keep taking a step away from your fellow humans because of what’s between their legs and draw yet another line in the sand. It’s too easy and, if you want to get anywhere in this timeless battle of sexism, it’s got to stop.

They’re stereotype situations where no one wins. They’re the kind of thing that gives credence to these sweaty palmed, fat cats, who are hell-bent to take away your right to look after your own body. It makes everyone look bad and perpetuates the cycle of condemnation and condescension. It forces a wall up, even if you don’t know it, even if you don’t think about it, even if you don’t think anyone hears you, and anything you say that says “I am X and hear me fucking roar” will inevitably be drawn into question because of your inability to look for equality rather than specialized separation.

So why not let it go? Why not admit that some people are, in fact, whores, why not admit that some men are, in fact, quite prone to thinking with their dicks and nothing else, but why don’t you try and handling this on a case by case basis? Sure, if someone, man or women, fucks you over in this fashion, it wouldn’t be entirely unfair to sit down and address that among your peers, but when you start doing it as literal, blanket, statements about gender, what exactly is it you’re hoping to achieve?

Are you looking for some kind of external validation? Are you looking for catharsis? Is it sympathy? Or are you just reacting to the fact that you’ve been ill-treated and you’re angry about it? The next time you’re in that position, I advocate you strip naked and stand in front of the mirror, cover up your junk and imagine it’s the opposite of what you’ve got. Stand in the shoes of those sex-crazed, wild, emotional, unstable, maniacs, and then take your hand away. You’re no different. You’re no better. You’re a person and the more you keep trying to separate yourself into smaller and smaller boxes, the more the world is going to think that’s exactly what you want, and they’ll think it’s perfectly okay to give it to you in ways they want.

Some men will never think with their dicks, some men will think that it’s absolutely wrong to have government regulated womb control. Some men will do the dishes, cook dinner, and take out the trash. They’ll watch the kids, and be the stay at home Dad – and some women will want to do the exact same thing. You can’t answer the world for everyone and say that as a man, or woman, I can speak for all women, or all men, about what exactly it is that you, we, I, and they want. You just can’t. It’s not even remotely realistic. So, why bother?

Why not let that shit go? Why not stop making bullshit proclamations about entire fractions of your population? Why not throw sexism out the fucking window. You’re human, you’re equal, and you deserve it. You’re all perverts. You’re all degenerates. You all like to fuck and think you’ve got all the answers. You like to live life and follow what you believe, and you’re firm in your conviction that you, if given the chance, could fix everything for everybody. It’s noble, but it’s ultimately wrong. You may have a way that works for many, you may have a way that works for most, but nobody will ever agree with everything you have to say.

The only thing we can do is to keep trying and speak fairly for everyone. All we can do, as humans, is keep trying to give each of us a fair chance to follow what they want and defend what it is that we want. Some people will never believe in abortions or contraceptives, and that’s their right. Some people will think that they have a spiritual sense of responsibility and that’s how they’re going to fulfill it. That’s their right. If you want to use condoms, fuck daily, and take the pill, that’s your right. If you want to get abortions because something happened somewhere and you got pregnant, that’s your choice and it’s your right – but remember that just because it’s what you think, or what you want, it’s not going to be what everyone wants.

This is the modern world, this is a world of one click ownership, and this is a world where everything and anything you want can be at your fingertips in a minute. This is a world built by humans to make life easier for them. Why fight against it? Why keep using all these tools to keep building walls? Why keep using these tools to make an ever shrinking world seem further and further apart?

You’ve all got voice, you’re all using them to take a stand against something, but why hold on to these outdated ideals of equality? Why strive to be different and special instead of equal? Why take on the labels the world wants to give you with your private justification, only to shout about them in the spotlight?

Why not embrace the fact that we live in the modern world, where rights and sex is out there for everybody to have? It’s a world where it’s possible to do what you love, and love what you do – especially if it’s people.  It’s your obligation as a human, in America, to stand up and say tell those promiscuous whores in government and politics that you’re not going to stand for this blatant raping of your human rights. It’s your obligation, as a collective whole, to put down the guns and stop going to war over sexism. It’s time to let go of your rifles and put out your hands for shaking and hugs. It’s time to band together as a whole and shake one, loud, angry, unified fist against the things you think are wrong.

If you really want to sit back and have the world start taking you all seriously, you’ve got to be willing to look at each other in the same light. You’ve got to be willing to stop with your private perpetuating and set out to change the way you’re acting in the world. You’ve got to stop calling every woman you see a whore, and every man you see on the street a sexual jailor. You’ve got to open your eyes and shut your mouth. You’ve got to look at what’s changed and step over those lines we’ve all drawn in the sand.

Yes, you’re human, and yes, you can roar. You can shout with just as much conviction and passion as any other human man. Yes, you’re a human and you can cook, clean, love, and be just as passionate as any other human. Yes, we are emotional. Yes, we have the potential to be reactive and irrational. Yes, we are capable of all manner of things and not all of them are good, but not all of them are bad either.

So the next time you sit down with a group of your like gender peers and somehow or another the topic of the opposite comes up, stop. Stop and think about them. Stop and think that they’re people, just like you. They’re no more prone to being irrational or reactive than you are, they’re not any better or worse than you are, just because of what they are, and there’s nothing about them, as people, that is any different than you. The next time someone says “All _____ are  ____”, don’t hesitate to stand up and put down that kind of thinking.

All any of us are, is human. All any of us can expect is that we’ll continue to be human. Some of us will be ‘good’, some of us will be selfish; some of us will think we’re saving those around us with our actions, and all of us, at some frequent point or another, will be wrong. That’s the long and short of it and anything more than that is irrelevant in terms of equality.

We’re humans, and that’s all. Some of us have breasts, some don’t. We all bleed, we all breathe, we all laugh, and we all cry. We all live, we all die. We all want, we all dream, and we call fuck. We all work, we all think, we all eat, we’re all alive, and, at the end of the day, we all share a world. So, if our world wants to calls us whores for how we live, what we think, and what we feel; if our world wants to tell us that what we do is wrong, that our communally, whorish, behavior is worthy of condemnation and the government has the right to step and intervene on behalf of our best interest, then let’s take a look at what it means to be a whore again – and let’s throw out gender this time.

Once again, Webster’s says:

Definition of WHORE

1:a woman who engages in sexual acts for money : prostitute; also : a promiscuous or immoral woman

2: a male who engages in sexual acts for money

If we take the gender out of that what are we left with?
“1. A person who engages in sex acts for money: prostitute, also: a promiscuous or immoral person.”

Now, just to hammer home the point, let’s take a look at the world promiscuous, so we’re all on the same page.

Definition of PROMISCUOUS

1: composed of all sorts of persons or things
2: not restricted to one class, sort, or person : indiscriminate <education … cheapened through the promiscuous distribution of diplomas — Norman Cousins>
3: not restricted to one sexual partner.

So, looking at all of that, a whore, if we exclude the obvious bits about fucking for money, is now defined as the following: An immoral person, regardless of gender, who is composed of all sorts of persons or things, an immoral person who is not restricted to one class, sort, or person, who is indiscriminate with their decisions, or an immoral person who is not limited to one sexual partner. Right, we’re all on the same page then that, when I say whore, this is now what I mean.

So, when you look around, when you go looking for whores, where do you find them? Where do you find immoral people, who are composed of all sorts of persons or things? Where do you find seemingly immoral people who are not restricted to one class of people, who are indiscriminate with their decisions about those around them and their choices? Where do you find people who are immoral and often not limited to one sexual partner?

I’ll tell you where I see them. I see these people sitting around in cushy seats making decisions about you and I on a daily basis. I see these people sitting on the other side of ticker tape barricades, telling us we’re all going to Hell for making our own choices for our bodies. I see these people getting fat and insulting us on the radio. I see these people going out and putting on fake smiles to get votes. I see these people standing up to tell you, bold faced, that they have integrity and value.

I see a world full of whores and a bunch of politically minded people telling us we shouldn’t have to suffer and pay for them any more – and, when I look at it like this, I think they’re right.

All sources for definitions were found and cited from http://www.merriam-webster.com/

Why I don't mind laying down in the Dark:

Why I don't mind laying down in the Dark:
Tiny bits of wisdom in the midnight hour

This week, in a lot of ways, has been a roller-coaster ride. It's been a lot of ups, downs, good moments, highlights of hardships, and quiet moments of reflection. It's been a week of sitting around until sunrise, sharing words, sharing drinks, and it's given me a lot to think about. It's been another of those weeks that reminds me, rightfully so, why I am who I am and why it is that I do what I do in life.What is it you do? Some of you might ask and the answer is really goddamned simple: I live.

While that might not seem like much to some of you, it might seem like an awful lot to others. To those of you who it doesn't sound like much? I'll tip my hat and raise my glass to you. To those of you who understand what a terrifying thing that life has the potential to be, I have something entirely different to say to you: I understand, but it's still worth it. Life's a scary fucking thing, if only because it has the very real potential to be just about anything. That's daunting to everyone, whether they admit it or not, but admitting it isn't the important part.

What is the important part? The important part is accepting it, and simply deciding that it's not enough to beat you -- because when life beats you, you're dead. That's it. It's over. Life's finally outlasted you. It's finally outrun you and there is no chance to pick yourself back up and start trying to run again. You get one chance in life and when the checkered flag drops for you, you are where you are, you've done what you've done, and whatever mark you were hoping to make on the world had damn well better be there, because your time's up.

This is why I do what it is that I do, and why I do it every day, with everything I have to give. That's why I think it's so important to sit down and enjoy life, but equally as important to get up and make sure you chase it down too. You can't let life get away from you because, once again, once it's gone, it's gone.

It's why, while the rest of the world settles down to sleep, I put words on a page or when the world falls down around some people I know, I show up with a shovel and a jackhammer. It's why, when the loud noise starts flying around the world and leaving people deaf and stunned, I'm there to take them by the hand and try and lead them into some kind of peace. It's why when the weight is just too heavy, I'm there to share it or when the feeling is just too strong, I'm there to try and lighten the blow. When the world finds itself on fire, set ablaze in rage in bullshit, I'm there too, doing my best to try and find a safe way to walk through the fire and come out on the other side. Why? I'm doing these things because they're things that drive me. They're some of the things I am passionate about in life.

These things I do are fundamental to my existence, to my living, and I'd be even more mad if I didn't do them.

Life isn't all about roses and storm clouds. Life isn't all about drinking into the early hours of the day, trying to sort out everything that's somehow gone wrong. Life isn't just about laughing, life isn't just about dreaming or doing any more than it is about breathing and eating. Life's about living and, while sometimes that means getting through the bullshit, it also means enjoy the good moments too - and it's so, so, much more than to boot.

Life's not about mindless toil toward bullshit and happiness. It's not about trying to make it, it's not even about dreaming and laughing. Life's about doing, about loving, and, most importantly, life's about living. It doesn't matter where, what, why, or even how you do it - but you've got to do it. It's about looking at yourself, at the end of the day, and figuring out if there was anything you wish you would have done. It's about sitting down and really thinking about your time and seeing how you really feel about it.

Life is not about regret, because that would be just too damn easy. Life isn't about loss either, for the same reason. It's not about the bangs and bumps you get along the way and, like I said, it's not about smelling the flowers either. Sometimes, at the end of the day, there just wasn't a flower to smell, and your shoes are covered in shit. Sometimes it rains on your parade, sometimes the picnic goes perfect, sometimes someone calls you cute and it puts a bounce in your step, other times you can't get the time of day from someone who you've tried your best to be noticed by. Sometimes you get kissed and sometimes you get left standing around with your proverbial dick in your hand.

What life is about is making the most of what's right in front of you. It's about grabbing the damn bull by the horns. Taking your time on a stroll through the forest, a glass of good drink, a good cigarette, great sex, the man or woman you've been chasing for years finally giving you the attention you've been working for, the beat goddamned steak in the world, a good hug, a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold, someone to share the weight of the world with, all these things don't mean a goddamned thing in life if you don't sit down and acknowledge them - and the same thing applies to all the things in your life that you really think went wrong.

Shit happens, doesn't matter who you are, it does, plain and simple. Sometimes it's going to rain, sometimes it'll be sunny. Sometimes you'll step in shit and sometimes you'll miss it without ever knowing it. It doesn't matter what happens, you've got to make the most of it. You've got to be true to who you are, what you know, what you think and believe, and, and this is the most important part, you've got to be okay if you find yourself questioning those things - if not deciding they're outright wrong - at the end of the day.

This is a fraction of what I've learned, what I've seen, what I've felt, and what I really believe. None of life really matters if you don't put yourself in it. All of life is wasted if you just let it pass you by, if you don't reach out there and take a handful of it, just to see what it is. You've got to be ready for the moments when it'll be sharp, jagged, jarring, and painful. You've got to be ready to set those bits down and put your hand right back in there. That's what life is: It's accepting that, like it or not, it'll cut you sometimes but, at the same time, you can't be afraid of what's out there. If you spend your whole life living in fear what will happen if you put yourself out in life, then you're not really living anyway.

Be the friend who's there, always, if that's your thing. Be the angry, cynical, whiskey drinking, bastard, if that's your thing. Be quiet and reserved, watching the world, if that's your thing, but don't do any of these things far away. Don't be removed from the world around you, or the people that you love, or the things that you like. Take risks, get the shit knocked out of you, pick yourself up bruised and bloody off the sidewalk a few times, because that's just what happens when you live.

It's a gamble where you always win, but you actually have to play. It's all about trying because if you don't try, then you'll never know. I can't imagine a goddamned thing more horrible than having to ask the questions all your life about the things you never did, never said and never acted on at all. It's better to live life now, while it's there, than it is to sit back and ask all the questions about what you might have done when you're laying down in the dark.

A Large Collection of Horseshit and Rubbish

A Large Collection of horse-shit and rubbish:

Otherwise known as making excuses for not doing what you want

Dear reader,

I was sitting on a shaded patio, smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee, when I found myself bombarded with a series of messages and emails today. This isn't terribly unusual or even all that strange, as I openly welcome people to seek me out when they're truly stumped or fucked, but it was the commonality of questions and themes that struck me. Everyone seemed to be surrounded by circumstances which they felt genuinely kept them from being able to properly 'enjoy' the life they had around them and it ran the gambit in terms of tone.

Some people were having relationship problems, others were having money issues, and some people just felt they were in a place they did not belong. This is just a broad glimpse of what I saw and what was brought to my attention, and I think they're arguably the more relatable positions. We've all been there or at least somewhere similar, at some point in our lives. We've all stared down the barrel of that gun and felt inexplicably helpless to make any kind of real change.

Then, when presented with a laundry list of suggestions, ideas, thoughts, and so on, I started to hear one word become strangely overpowering. It was the word ‘too’. This word started be placed in front of nearly every reason why something someone wanted, simply could not be – which was highlighted by the fact that, less than twenty four hours ago, I’d had a very similar conversation about that word with a very close friend and confidant of mine.

Now, I’m not going to be an asshole here and say that every reason given was entirely invalid or just some whored up excuse for not doing something, some people had legitimate reasons for not being able to do things right now. For some people it was a sense of being logistically unable to pursue what it was they wanted, they didn’t have enough money right now, it was too far away right now, or that right now it was just too complicated and they had other things they needed to focus on.

These things made sense and I wasn’t about to say “Fuck off and quit whining.” Instead we built plans, shared ideas and got some thoughts about how to make it work for the future. This seemed acceptable and the problem was decidedly ‘worked on’, and life resumed as normal, but, by no measure, was this the bulk of the presented process. In fact, despair and a long stream of bullshit seemed to be the norm.

It was like everyone around me had suddenly descended into the notion that life, in all its glory and fucked up wisdom, was just too goddamned hard. It was too tough, or too scary, or too much struggle– and, too me, that was all just too much horse-shit. What follows is a harsh and unforgiving opinion on the matter, as well as a relative perspective that might be worthwhile to adopt.

Is life hard? Yes, absolutely. It’s wild, feral, unforgiving, and it will not stop unless you want to get drastic and plan your own exit. Some people opt for this choice, for reasons that I cannot currently begin to fathom, but this isn’t for those people. Those people have, at the very least, made a straight forward plan of action and followed it through to a final fruition. While I might not condone that choice, while it might not be one I’d make, it’s one that is at least taking control of the situation. Is draining all the life from your body the only way? Fuck no. This is for the people who don’t want to exit stage left, but rather just want to find a new stage.

First things first, if all of your rationale boils down to a stream of excuses then, and I’ll say this quite frankly, it’s your own damn fault. If your only reason for not being in a relationship is that meeting people frightens you? Fucking work on it. The world is full of people, and if you’re discontent with the notion of being goddamned algae, sitting around stagnating in your own filth and muck, then don’t. Get off your ass and force yourself to meet new people and stop trying to justify not doing it, because the only person you’re ever really going to convince is you. Again, it’s your own fault.

Evolution – or ‘God’ if that’s more your cup of tea – has gifted you with countless means by which you can make the most out of your life. You’ve been given hands, words, teeth, tongue, claws, and, my personal favorite, imagination. These are all things that, with actual effort, can provide you with all the roads and answers you’ll ever need, you just can’t expect it to magically happen with no effort from you.

The world is full of tools – and there’s more meaning there if you opt to read into it – but the thing about tools is that, for them to do anything, you have to actually use them. You’re a human being; you’ve evolved to use tools to make your life easier, smoother, and readily available to be lived. However, if all you’re going to do is sit there and stare at a pile of tools, expecting them do something without any work from you, then you’re going to end up with exactly what you deserve – nothing will change, and you’ll still be surrounded by tools.

You are the one sitting there, piling on shovels full of shit and excuses as to why you can’t do something until it looks like a goddamned mountain you will have to climb – which then of course means it’s a fucking mountain you have to climb and you have one more reason to not do it. You know what? That’s rubbish. You’re raping your own desires and ambitions because you’ve swallowed down sour experiences and just can’t be bothered to look for the sunshine and sweet treats any more.

It’s as if the majority of the world has simply decided to go ahead and be gluttonous, fat, Romans. You want sit around and refuse to eat unless someone is hand feeding them while two others fuck for your amusement and finish each other off with swords. You want the world on a silver platter like that, there’s only one way you’re going to get it: Go mine the goddamned silver, smelt it, forge it into a plate, build the world you want, and then serve it to yourself. That is the only way it will ever work.

If you’re dating a shitty boyfriend who doesn’t make you happy, then work to change it. If you’re not happy with where you’re living, then work to change it. If you’re not happy with what you’re doing with yourself, then, you guessed it, work to change it. You have to use your hands, use your mind, use your words, use your imagination, and use whatever you’ve got on hand to get to where you want to be, but stop using everything in front of you as a reason to do nothing.

If you’re not willing to do these things for yourself, if you’re not willing to invest the time to get your world to where you want it to be? That’s fine. That’s your choice, but with that choice you’ve revoked your own right to really complain about it. To put it in another light, it would be much akin to someone who wanted steak, who went out to eat at a place that had steak for sale, and ordered chicken – and then spent the rest of the meal bitching they didn’t have the steak they wanted.

If you want steak, then you’d better fucking order the steak. If you want to be happy, then you’d better fucking be willing to work for it and not just sit where you are for whatever cacophonous pile of horse-shit reasoning you’re selling yourself. The only person in the entire world who can keep you from the genuine pursuit of your wants is you, and if you simply refuse to invest the time in you, toward working what you want, then don’t expect the world to just hand it over to you.

The world is yours for the making, yours for the building, yours to frame and see. Being happy with where you are, what you do, and where your life is going is all a simple matter of working at it. So, the next time you opt to sit down and come up with a laundry list of reasons, all of which smell like shit, for why you shouldn’t do something, consider this a strong suggestion to look at how you’re investing your time.

It’s really damned easy to sit down and see what you don’t want. It’s all too easy to sit down and abuse the hell out of the word ‘too’, to apply it to all the reasons you can then use to justify simply doing nothing. You can look at that monstrous pile of, self-invented, bullshit and then just decide to give up the idea of trying to climb over it altogether. It’s really damned easy to do all those things, and I’m sure that’s a large part of the appeal, but think about this instead.

The next time you sit down to look at everything that’s wrong, and everything you can think of that says you shouldn’t do this, or that, whatever it is, here’s my advice: Don’t. Stop wasting time thinking of ways in which you are limited, unable, unqualified, whatever, just stop. Instead, take all that time you would have spent trying to get neck deep in bullshit, and turn it around.

Think about all the things you can do, think about ways to change what makes you unhappy in your life, think about what it is you want and how the fuck it is you’re going to get there. When you come across those things, and everyone has them, that you simply cannot change, then you have only one thing you can really do. You’ve got to find a way to own it, to adapt to it, to carry on in spite of it. If you’re really unwilling to do that?

Well, you’ve cashed your check already then and really can’t complain you’re not getting the full value out of life.

Sincerely yours, with no apologies,

The resident Gimp.

The Guns of God and the Constitution:

The Guns of God and the Constitution:
A gun safety course on religion in the United States of America

A note from the Author: While this piece will deal with the concept of freedom to do with religion and ones freedom to believe and worship how they choose, a lot of the examples I cite will be directly taken from my own personal experiences within the realm of Christianity. The suggested principles I put forth are not meant to target any one religion or religious group.

This is a piece for everyone about everyone’s right to have their guns, but how they’re not allowed to use them according to the very law that gives them the right in the first place.

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Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

In a world where everything about who you are and what you believe is so readily questioned and attacked, it becomes a bit easier to lose sight of just why your constitution, as an American, gave you things like the first amendment.  In a world where your faith is questioned by those who don’t share it with you, in a world where one’s faith can spread to be an all-encompassing bubble, in a world where religious wars are waged behind white picket fences as well as from either side of concrete walls, it becomes increasing more important to remember just why the constitution gave you these protections.

Everyone has a right to believe whatever they want. It doesn’t matter if you’re a Buddhist, a Christian, a Muslim, a Scientologist, – yeah, I said it – a practitioner of old world shamanistic magic, a Wiccan, or any cross pollinated amalgam of whatever religion you find out there. It is your right to follow as many or as few of these things as you want. It is your constitutional right to bring your guns down from on high and level them at anyone who tries to take it away from you – but there’s a catch.

Before you all start throwing stones and shouting at heathens, before you decide to strip away state benefits for the poor because of a stance on abortion and planned parenthood, before you petition with big signs with pictures of dead babies on them, before you stand outside a funeral home thanking God for IEDs, before you lock someone up in a hotel room and refuse to give them medical treatment because they have alien souls attached to them, before you tell the world that God is coming back to the oval office through you, you need to stop and really look at what you’re doing.

Religion is a personal belief, period. It’s what you feel to be right in your universe, what helps you make sense of the fucked up world around you, and provides you with a base guideline for how to live your life. It’s pretty clear that a lot of them are exclusive unto themselves in terms of telling you what’s right, but their basic purpose is all the same. It’s the faith that, so long as you live righteously in the eyes of whatever higher power you follow, be it a God or little green men, that you’re going to end up wherever it is you want to go when you die.

Not everyone is going to agree with you. Not everyone is going to believe what you believe, and that’s their choice. It’s how they feel about the world around them and that has to be okay. Anyone and everyone has a different life, sees different things, has different experiences, and it’s these things that make up the basis for faith. It’s what you see, what you feel, and what moves you that determine how you come to the conclusions of faith. No matter how simple it might seem to an outsider, it’s what you believe, and it’s your right not to have that taken away from you – again, so long as you don’t try and take it away from anyone else.

It’s the same basic principle as to why series killers are condemned and not granted some kind of freedom under the pretense of religious sacrifice. In a lot of cases they see something wrong with the world and, from their perspective, what they’re doing is often a way to clean that up and make the world better, the voices stop, and so on. Where they cross the line is when they force others into their system of belief by force or coercion. The same theory applies to any religion that adopts the ‘convert or die’ mentality. A choice of faith is not something I see as having any reason to get you killed.

This is why we have the freedom of religion in America. The freedom of religion is in place to protect your right to practice whatever the hell you want; so long as you’re the only person it impacts. You have every right to have the option of worship in whatever way you choose, so long as it doesn’t force anyone else to adhere to your tenets of faith, but you have to accept that not everyone out there will agree with you and if they don’t, that’s their constitutional right.

These guns are not there for the purpose of attack, the justification of law, or to demand the conversion of another to your faith under duress and threat. You do not have the right to tout you political agenda as being in line with God or make the laws that God would want you to make. God does not live in America, the people live in America and, if you’re going to follow the faith of God into the hellfire of politics, you’ve got to remember what your own faith teaches you: God made everyone and only he gets to judge what they do as being right and wrong.

As a Christian, you do not have the right to say that it is illegal to have an abortion. It is not a religious argument in terms of legality, but rather a debate on the tenets of your faith in terms of a social practice. It is perfectly okay to come to the conclusion that God would not want you to get an abortion so you can’t have one, but it is not okay to say “God doesn’t want me to have one, so nobody else should either.” It doesn’t matter how virtuously you whore it up, the bottom line is that you’re oppression people’s right to believe what they want with your pseudo-righteous savior practices.

As a government body, be it federal or state, you do not have the right to enact laws or decisions on the basis of faith alone. It’s this high-and-mighty; lord on high in mind, decision making that drove many of the original pilgrims and settlers away in the first place. People want the right to practice their faith, and they should have it, and that’s it. They shouldn’t have, and flat out do not have, the right to tell you that this law enforces or is in response to the will of any God. This is a fraudulent adaptation of the first and second amendments simultaneously, in every way shape and form.

Religious freedoms is like gun safety, everyone should be taught it and follow certain principles of respect about how to wield religion in a way that keeps it safe and sound for everyone. It’s your obligation to understand that religion is a powerful thing and, if you use it, you have to be very respectful with how you choose to bring it into your world. You can’t bring your guns to bear on anyone who doesn’t agree with you. You can’t put your finger on the trigger in an attempt to prove you’re right or force anyone to think the way you do. That, again, isn’t why you’re allowed to carry the gun.

What these guns are here for is, is for you to defend your right of religion against the encroachment of government, the people, or other religions. It is your right to believe whatever you want to believe so long as you do not enforce that belief on anyone else. Nobody has the right to tell you what you can and can’t believe or can and can’t follow – so long as you understand that you’re not allowed to do the same to anyone else either.

So, when presented with charlatanic practices like the denial of welfare based on a decision about planned parenthood, you’ve got every damned right to pick up your Guns for God and say “I don’t fucking think so. I don’t agree with this and you can’t tell me I have to because that goes against everything this country was founded.” It’s these fundamentalist rights rapists that really do a good number on how the country looks as a whole. We’re supposed to be the land of the free, where people can come to live and believe as they will, and here we are, forcing people to chew on the sandals of God and crank out children from the product of rape because ‘it’s a miracle from God’.

Last I checked, no religion was a democratic society unto itself, nobody voted for God, and nobody should be forced to live under the rule that they did. You did not have to be a person of faith to live anywhere in America and it was not a requirement of anyone to go to church and thank Jesus for taking the dive for the rest of our sins.

To turn it around, if religion was a political debate – and keep in mind the constitution strictly states that that should never be the case – you’d have all manner of extremist degenerates screaming about how Jesus was a Marxist bastard who only cured the poor so he could better control them down the line, and Rabbi’s would be the Anti-Christ and the undoing of all things right and good in the world. We’re lucky it’s not that way all the time, but when you start imposing those same kind of ideas on the political level, about the welfare of your people and the state in which you live, it’s a slippery slope.

Being a person of faith is personal. It’s not legal, should have no bearing on law, and should not be a requirement of life. If you are one of those followers, for instance who is genuinely concerned for those around you who don’t follow because they’re staring down the face of eternal damnation? I feel for you in a lot of ways. You want to do right by the world and try and show people something you believe so strongly that it could fix everything that’s wrong with them and, you know what? That’s okay, as long as you let them say that they’re not interested.

It’s an option presented to everyone, even people like me who just like to give a tip of the hat in thanks because we know, if it’s true, we get our money’s worth out of a sacrifice like that. Still, no matter why anyone chooses to accept it, it’s their choice, plain and simple. Nobody has to take it and you can’t make them and, when someone aims their God-cannon at you in attempt to get you to submit to what they want in the world, you have the right to say no.

You have the right to stand your own ground of faith and conviction and do whatever you have to do. That’s your obligation as a practitioner of faith – stand by what you believe or it all counts for shit anyway. You have the right to stand up and say “I will not be forced to live this way because my constitution says I don’t have to."

You were given the right to be free from religious oppression, no matter how socially acceptable that religion is; you were given the right to have whatever relationship with God you want, you were given the right to believe or not believe based on what you saw. Anyone who tries to slap a law down around those foundations of your religion, who tries to tell you that this religion is better than that religion and this law should reflect that, is a snake oil salesman. Make the choices that are right for you and stand up for anyone’s right to choose whatever the hell they want.

It doesn’t matter if you’re a Catholic who attends mass six times a week at midnight, A Sunday Christian Soccer Mom, a Jewish person who never says a word, an Agnostic who doesn’t know what to believe but doesn’t want to discount anything, an atheist who thinks it’s all bullshit – at the end of the day, what you follow doesn’t matter. You’re a citizen of America first and whatever duty you may think you have to God comes second to the notion that you are not allowed to force that on anyone by any means.

If you decide that doesn’t work for you? You can go elsewhere. I want my leaders to get off the pulpit, to stop shaking hands with Jesus and throwing stones at who they perceive to be sinners like it’s their duty to this country. It’s not. As a politician it’s your job to leave your religious biases at the door and do what’s right for the people as a whole. If you can’t do that I imagine you and God aren’t on the best of terms anyway and remember this:

It doesn’t matter what faith you follow, your higher power – even if it’s science – made everything, even the people you think are misguided and wrong. It is okay to debate them, to try and understand, but if you try and demand they convert? Well, they’ve got every right to tell you, and quite plainly, to fuck off and I hope that some of them will take full use of their American liberty and do just that.

Faith may be the rock of the world, but the constitution is written on paper and everybody knows that paper beats rock.

The Self-Importance of looking in the Mirror: And making sure you understand what you see there.

The Self-Importance of looking in the Mirror:
And making sure you understand what you see there.

Too often am I presented with the circumstance of people able to look at their world and see all the things wrong with it. Too often I see a world of people swallowed up by the constant need for outside validation, by an over-active sense of empathy poorly balanced by an ability to take a good, long look at what’s going on behind the scenes in the mirror. Too often I see people taken down by a desire to be compassionate, to be understanding, to be fair, and balanced. Too often I see people being honest with the entire world around them, but staring at their reflection and telling themselves bold faced lies about what they see there. Too often I see people brushing aside their own lines in the sand to make way for someone else. This is why I think that’s no way to live, at all.

The world is full of people and things that will tell you ‘this is how to live, this is the right way to be, this is how to be healthy and happy and carry on’. I’ve been known to, for a lot of people, be one such force in life. Hell, this whole goddamned monkey show is, pretty much, to that point. It’s taking a long, hard, look at what’s actually going on in front of me and finding a way to retell it back to the lot of you with the appropriate shadings of insanity I tend to perceive in it. There’s something about it, however, that I do my best to try and tell you all.

What I see, what I say, what I think, isn’t the way I think it should be for everyone, but rather something I see that, to me, doesn’t work or doesn’t make sense. It’s something I look at, examine in a three hundred and sixty degree fashion, and, if I find nothing about it that fits what I see as a model for good and honest living, then I attack it like a swarm and present evidence for an alternative way of thinking. This does not mean, in any way, that I am right. It does not imply that my way is the way it should be, the only way, or even the best way for anyone but me.

I see a lot of people looking at this, at what I write, and a handful of other commercials and other forms of pandering media, and simply accepting that this is the way to be without a whole lot of thought on the matter. I see people taking what they see, what they hear, putting a personal brand-stamp on it, and tra-la-la-ing though fields of absolute bullshit – which says to me they’ve paid absolutely no attention to the things they’re claiming to use as dogma, mantra, or whatever pseudo-spiritual-life affirming wisdom based term they choose to apply. This, in black and white terms, is a huge problem – and it’s insulting to boot.

I understand it’s easy to sit there and do this, because it saves you the trouble of actual, perspective thinking. I can see the appeal there, but this is still a cautionary tale of self-told lies and a warning about taking in what’s in front of you without thinking about it.

We live in a world where compassion and empathy are expected, commercialized commodities.  We’re expected to think about how other people feel, we’re expected to see and feel the way other people do. It’s common consensus that, if you don’t do these things, you’re a selfish, greedy, asshole. If you don’t do these things, if you don’t put yourself in someone else’s shoes you can’t fairly formulate an opinion on what they’re thinking or doing. If you don’t do these things you’re a bad, bad, person and the world will hate you for it – and I challenge that notion to the fullest.

You’re worth more than the simple and thoughtless adoption of the present idea; I don’t care what the idea is and who you are as a person. Every damn one of you is a person of their own experience, their own perspective, their own ideas, their own thoughts, feelings, and so on. None of you should be sitting there, staring at whatever screen it is, even if it’s someone’s face, and simply accepting anything that comes off it without taking a moment to stop and think of how it applies to you.

If you simply take empathy to a mandated level of making excuses for someone else, then I will think you’re an asshole because you’re pissing all over something and someone – yourself – without even thinking about it, and I have no time for people covered in their own vocal piss.

It’s one thing to look at a situation and try and figure out how an outside perspective can be validated and make sense. For instance, if you have a partner who feels insecure about everything that you do, it is sensible to take a look at that and try and understand why. It is a fair expectation of emotional compromise to try and put your perspective behind their eyes and understand just what’s going on inside their head. This makes for a valid perspective and understanding, this is fair compromise, and this is what relationships, regardless of what level they’re on, work.

On the other side of the coin, if you’re one half of a relationship where you’re making excuses for privacy invasions, being blatantly mistreated and socially objectified because ‘someone’s had a fucked up life’, then you’re not doing them any favors at all. You’re pandering to their existence, you’re reinforcing everything that you’re trying to help them with, and you’re ultimately selling yourself with some backwater notion about an altruistic endeavor. You’re effectively fucking over everyone involved because you’re simply unwilling to take a look in the mirror and be honest with yourself about what’s really going on.

It’s in this sense that I actually advocate being selfish, where I strongly suggest sitting down in front of a mirror and telling the rest of the world to just fuck off, and take a long look at you for a change. Deal with the guilt, put it out there too, but really look at what’s going on around you. Look at your life, look at your world, look at your relationship, look at your boyfriend or girlfriend, look at your marriage, and ask yourself the questions that are, ultimately, the only ones that really matter: Is this what I want? Am I happy with this? Am I doing this because it’s what I believe, or just what I feel I should be doing?

Asking these questions is entirely selfish, because you’re putting yourself before anyone or anything else in your life, and it is one of the most important things you can ever do for yourself. It is not a bad thing; it is nothing that makes you insensitive or greedy. It does not devalue you as a person, just because you put value on yourself enough to look at your life and make decisions based on what you’re actually seeing, rather than some impromptu, emotional decision based on the consensus of appeasing your over-active conscience and trying to be the ‘better person’.

This is one of the biggest problems I see with the notion of ‘being selfish’. Just about everyone will stand up and say “YOU SELFISH BASTARD” and rarely, if ever, do you hear about the pragmatic, if not outright good, side of being selfish. Nobody wants to look at being selfish as one of those things that’s vital to living a continued and happy existence, because we’ve painted it up all up and black and turned it into something really only favored by serial rapists, child molesters, public masturbaters and murderers who like to choke out prostitutes in seedy motels with dirty sheets and broken air conditioning.

I counter this by saying that anyone who is incapable of being selfish deserves a wide berth. Anyone who is unwilling, for whatever reason, to put themselves first in life, is setting fire to their sails and dooming themselves to a lifetime of charred maps and sailing in circles.

It’s these frustrated and unkempt individuals who’re some of the most dangerous beasts that prowl the world in which we live. They’re too caught up in the commercialized altruism, in giving money to starving African children, but stoning the poor bastard who came up with the idea because he likes fucking himself in public. It’s these people who sell themselves out to be ‘good’, who shut down anything that’s bad, never mind the big picture, and refuse to acknowledge that they’re the most important people in their universe, that one should strongly consider running away from in abject terror.

They’re the people who’re always putting themselves out there selflessly with warm smiles and hugs for the world, the people who are always remembered as ‘such a nice guy’ before walking into a fast food restaurant and smashing someone in the face with a twelve gauge round because the cook forgot to hold the ketchup. It’s people like this that, again, serve as an illustration as to why being selfish, from time to time, is one of the most important things you can do for yourself as a person.

If you’re unable or, worse yet, unwilling to put yourself first then you’re ultimately repressing your own desires and aspirations for life. I don’t trust these people on principle because they don’t look at what they’re doing, and can’t really trust themselves. It’s these people who change when they drink, or make excuses about doing drugs because it makes them do things they don’t want to do. It’s these people who make excuses for being abused by themselves or others, and these people who walk around in endless circles, drooling and crying on their shoes.

Life is all about what you, the amazing bastard you are, living it. It’s about you making the right choices for you and trying to get those choices to line up in a way that lets you carry on the way you want to and be happy. This is why it’s important to look in the mirror, look at the world around you, look at what’s happening right behind you, and figure out, from a selfish perspective, if it’s what you want for yourself.

This practice doesn’t make you an asshole and anyone who tells you otherwise deserves a full on dose of claws and teeth. Being selfish doesn’t mean you’re an asshole. Being selfish doesn’t make you a bad person. Being selfish means that you’re looking at the world out of your own eyes and making the decision that’s best for you. If that happens to line up with your altruistic intention of doing good by your fellow man? Great, that’s an noble ambition. If it doesn’t, and you’re sticking around anyway? Congratulations on fucking yourself.

Just to be clear, however, this is not saying there is nothing good about trying to be an altruist or that your empathy and compassion are wasted skills in a bankrupt wasteland of bullshit. Both of these things are, on paper, noble, but you’ve got to temper them with good, old fashioned, bouts of self-indulgence and taking some time to put yourself first. Without you, your life will not go on, and there is absolutely no point in living life for anyone but you.

So if you want to go out and life, trying not to step on toes? I’ll stand up and clap my hands for you. If you set out promising you’ll never step on a toe or put yourself first? I’ll call you a twisted, strange, beast, a liar, and steer clear of whatever ocean you have decided to call your own.

Again, the point of life is to live it, and if you’re living for someone else, to borrow a phrase from the internet generation, “You’re doing it wrong.”

The Importance of being Morally Clever

The Importance of Being Morally Clever:
because there’s always something out there bigger than you.

In writing correspondence to a friend of mine this morning, who was writing some understandably frustrated words at the world, several things about which I have not written about, occurred to me. I should go on record as saying I do not have all the facts about the situation, but neither did I find that I needed them to formulate the response. The long and short of it seemed to be that there was an unpleasant separation of people and the generic shit-storm of drama that tends to go around when that kind of thing happens. It got me thinking, which led to a drink or two, and now this piece relative to the matter at hand. No names will be mentioned in the interest of protecting the innocent.

One of the fundamental troubles that often come from having a relationship with another person is that you are, in no mistake, dealing with another person. This is regardless of what your actual relationship to them may, or may not, be in the real world. New friends, old friends, best friends, lovers, partners, strangers, one night stands, a room full of polyamorous swingers at a key party, drunken ruffians in a bar, or the person standing ahead of you in line at your favorite fast-food, restaurant, all of these people, who are all over the world, are people and if there’s one thing you can say about humans it’s that they are really, really, clever.

In fact, it’s in our hardwired nature to be clever, to be the smartest sonofabitch to ever terrorize the planet on which we live. It’s cleverness that got us out of the ocean, with all its big scary monsters, cleverness that had us find a way to harvest fire, cleverness that had a us invent the wheel, and tools, and cleverness that taught us to harness electricity. Cleverness has been that single bit of near insanity that has, through necessity, paved the roadways of our evolution – never mind that the byproduct of this evolutionary trait seems to be that we’ve made evolution a little bit pointless.

Still, in terms of natural abilities, we can no longer swim underwater indefinitely, we do not have the sharpest teeth, we cannot fly, we are not the fastest predator on the planet, nor do we have all sorts of bits and pieces that let us lay trap doors, change our colors, and so on. What we have is a brain; a fantastic supercomputer capable of all manner of insane ideas and thoughts and guess what? On top of an imaginative brain full of great and wonderful imaginations, we figure out a way to turn roughly ninety percent of those ideas into actual tools we can use.

Now, let’s take a step back and take a look at how being impacts the world in ways that aren’t related to visiting the bottom of the Marianas Trench. What does it really mean to be clever, socially, in this world? What does it really take to keep you not only in the game of life, but also somewhere close to the lead? What does it really take to keep up with the world around you which, with the help of modern technology like cell phones, the internet, Facebook and so on, is bigger and smaller than it’s ever been at any other point in human history?

There’s an inherent, intrinsic sort of wisdom that the animal worlds tends to understand. Weak things are easier to prey upon than healthy, strong, things. It’s a simple fact of the animal world, even if it’s one we don’t think about, I have a hard time looking at the world without seeing examples of it everywhere. A prime example of this, that is present (and complained about) in everyday life would be this:

You know someone, he or she has just separated from their respective partner in some way that could be considered unpleasant. There will be three types of people who universally appear on either side of that line; there will be those who were friends regardless, those mutual acquaintances who side with one or the other and begin a campaign of social genocide, and those social scavengers who have been waiting, stalking, just outside the wings of your everyday life, waiting for that moment for you to let your guard down so they can sweep in for the kill.

These latter are people we tend to shun, abhor, condemn, and cast out for being unscrupulous, self-serving, and bastards in general and while I am no stranger to such thoughts about people who would execute this tactic, there is something about it that warrants another look from a different perspective.

We live in a world that is full, nearly to bursting, with people; a world bristling with thought, cultures, ideals, and principles. We live in a world where everyone has a different idea about what they want, what they deserve, what they should be able to have, and it’s getting harder and harder to satisfy everyone.

For example, most everyone has their idea of ‘the perfect partner’ and probably someone they know who fits within those parameters. If we look at the 2011 sex ratio which postulates that there are only 984 women to every 1,000 men, then, by that number alone, if you assume only twenty percent fall into either a homosexual/asexual category (taking into account that these numbers would decrease within their own gender alone if not taking them out of the equation completely, there still isn’t enough for everyone to have what it is they’d want in black and white.

Okay, no problem. So people have to make choices about what they want, about what they’re willing to settle for and what they’re willing to compromise on. That seems pretty reasonable – except that it’s not. In a social sense we’re saturated with advertisements and social reinforcement that says ‘if you want it, then it’s you’re right to have it, but what happens when you can’t have it because it just isn’t there for you to have? What happens when your perfect man or woman is already with someone else? It then becomes your best interest, if the objective is to fuck and satisfy your desires, or to procreate and pass on a line age, to be seedy, perhaps a bit underhanded, and, without a doubt, clever.

It’s a simple fact: Being clever and having a willingness to be a bit underhanded increases your odds of survival. This is something that could, and often is, expressed in more areas of our life than we could possibly begin to understand – and it’s really easy to sit down and want to take a shit all over it. It’s really easy to sit down and look at the world like it’s full of monsters and assholes whose singular purpose in life is to wait for you to wander off on your own, and then tear your to shreds like some vicious predator who is ravenous with hunger.

It’s not in anyone’s best interest if we all fucking go out in a blaze of glory and fallout. It’s not in anyone’s best interest if the world comes to a crashing halt. It takes a genuine sense of cleverness to keep that from happening or, at the very least, a very large stick to beat anyone who offers that up as a serious threat. That works great for the world at large, even if ‘large’ is a bit of a stretch, but what about everyone in the world? How do we survive without becoming angry and jaded beasts looking to eat until we burst?

Then question then becomes ‘How do we survive and thrive without fucking someone over?’ There’s a simple answer to this one too: You don’t. You will fuck someone over, somewhere along your forward progress no matter what you do – even if that person ends up being you. It doesn’t matter who you are where you live, or what direction your moral compass points you. Eventually you’re going to bend someone over in a way they don’t like and give them something very uncomfortable to take one way or another.

It then becomes a question of value and worth. Will there be people out there who choose to place no value on morals? Abso-fucking-lutely. It is, without a doubt the easier way to be in life. You just worry about you and everything else can fuck off, eat shit, or get eaten. Will there also be people out there who say “Yes, I could fuck you in any way I so goddamn choose because I can, but I could also do this where my intention is to not fuck you and still get ahead? Again, abso-fucking-lutely. Does this always work? No.

So, everyone will fuck you over. Everyone will, at some point or another, act in their own self-interest. Everyone will do something that serves to get them ahead in a way that will set you back ten steps. With this rationale it becomes very easy to be bitter and willing to smash your moral compass with the hammer of success. It makes it very easy to keep your teeth sharp, your claws out, and your eyes always on the lookout for the weakest link you can step on, over or through.

How then, do we justify not bombing ourselves back into the Stone Age? How do we sit back and convince one another that humanity is, in fact, not worth vaporizing with the push of a big, shinny, red, button? The answer becomes identical to the problem: We’re really goddamned clever.

It is possible to be clever and hang on to your moral compass, no matter the incentive. It is possible not to cut deals with horned bastards or men in suit who have spikes tails when you see their reflection in the mirror. It is possible to say “Me first” without adding “So fuck you.” It is possible to step up and say “I didn’t mean for this to happen, but it did. I’m sorry, but in the process I set myself up rather well, is there anything I can do to help you?”

At the end of the day, what it really boils down to is choice. You have no, real, choice but to accept the fact that there simply isn’t enough for everyone to win the race, but there’s certainly enough for everyone to finish it without having to take the risk of crashing into a fuel truck and fuck it all up for everyone. We live in a world where we’ve gotten clever enough to make sure everyone has a shot to survive and that we have all the resources to make sure everyone can live, but that’s the catch; everyone has enough to live, but living isn’t the end all be all of life.

We’re clever. We’re smart. We’ve invented the wheel, we’ve learned how to fly, we can make fire, and we can split the fucking atom. We can bomb ourselves into oblivion, we can lie, cheat, swindle, scam, and steal our way into some, self-actualized, sense of importance and superiority, but we all have to answer the same question every day: Is it worth it to me, to keep doing this, just to make it?

Some people will answer that question with a resounding ‘yes’. Some people find no cost too great, some people would be willing to sell their metaphorical testicles if it meant making that extra bit of distance between them and whoever else was either ahead or behind them, but that’s just some people. That’s not everyone. There are people out there who would answer that question differently enough that they’re completely separated from members of the pack who don’t care if they starve to death.

Are they the majority? No, but that shouldn’t matter. They’re the kind of people, the type we all have the potential to be, who are morally clever. They’re a modern Tesla of sorts, people who just want to do what it is that they do best for everyone. It may be easy to miss them in a sea of monsters, it may be easy to overlook them in the pages of history, it may be easy to be angry at them because it looks like they’re trying to swoop in and steal the woman you used to be dating. They might look like the world’s biggest, most self-serving asshole you’ve ever met, but you’re clever.

Take another look at it. The next time you see someone who steps up and decides to commit to the path of pillaging and plundering without remorse, look again. Are they really doing what you think they are? Ask yourself the same question the next time you see someone do something that seems wholly altruistic. Are they, are you, doing something with a genuine intent? What is it you seek to gain from what you’re doing, and, if you look at these things are you okay with it? Is this something you would be okay being done to you?

You’re a human being. You’re designed to survive; you’ve evolved to be clever. Neither of these things gives you the right to be an asshole or to fuck the world over. All it gives you is the right to choose to weigh it out and look in the mirror to decide if it was worth it. There will always be bastards in the world, and there will always be those out there clever enough to get around them. There will always be monsters in the world and those clever enough to bring them down. There will always be evils in the world, and those morally clever enough to find a way to make the world better in spite of them.

This is why it’s so important to be morally clever, because not everyone else is in the world. Not everyone will stop and think of you, in fact most people won’t. It may be easy to say ‘Well, if they don’t care, why should I care either?’ and the answer is simple: You shouldn’t care if you don’t want to, but what’s someone who’s clever and doesn’t care about what that cleverness does to the world around them? You’re clever. Look around your world, if nobody really did care about anyone but themselves, if you really did just give up and decide to get drunk on power and put the petal underfoot, if everyone else decided to do that, where would we all end up?

Cleverness is power, great power, but you know what Uncle Ben always used to say about great power…