In the past twenty four hours, I've done little more than compose notes, sit on my couch, sip Whiskey and really just try and figure some things out about this crazy world, where we happen to live. It left me with a headache when I was done - even if I did have to wonder if it was from the Whiskey - and a strong desire to take a nap. I did, of course, and when I woke up? I still couldn't shake all the thoughts out of my head. I find, generally, when this happens, it's best to put them on paper and be done with it, so, here we are, in my own words:
Who are we anymore? It's a question I ask myself often. I ask it of myself often. Rarely ever am I able to deeply ponder without giving myself some kind of migraine headache that I can only cure by simply shutting off the world and turning up the volume of some music.
What does it even mean to be 'An American'? Considering I happen to be one, a creature with patriotic and global ideals that don't ever seem to shut themselves up, it's a question I needed to answer, and nobody could point out the raw facts, but me.
This past month, and we're only halfway through it, has been flooded with events, both cultural and global. These global events, the biggest of which being The Natural disasters in Japan, and the string of revolutions and counter revolutions sweeping the Middle East.
Here, "at home", we had The Charlie Sheen Interviews, which seemed to drastically overshadow the political situation taking place in Wisconsin - which makes perfect sense when you think about it these days. Still, these issues are, at least in my opinion, much smaller scale and of much less importance by comparison but, they illustrate some truly haunting points when it comes to this country as of late.
I sat down to look at it all, just considering the things that were taking place, relative to all these events, in my own country. I perused news sites, social networking places like Facebook, read over some blogs, and just tried to get a general sense of what was going on inside the heads of people here. What I found was both fascinating and horrifying all at once.
I've always been someone who's believed in the values of free thinking and opinions, even those I don't follow, but I saw a lot of things I just couldn't stand presented in forums and blogs all over the internet. Everything from 'This is Japan's Karma for Pearl Harbor' to 'Charlie Sheen is a Degenerate who deserves to lose his children.' These thoughts ran the gambit of judgmental horror, and only seemed to intensify as time went on..
Firstly, the matters of judgment on Japan. To claim this is some retribution for an act of war perpetrated seventy years ago? It filled my chest with a burning sensation that hasn't really been rivaled since the days immediately after the September 11th attacks on the World Trade Center. I was beside myself with the audacity of the statement and found myself strongly considering a change of citizenship for the first time in my life.
I didn't want to be lumped in with a nation of frightened rabbits, so full of a need to justify the horrors of life, that they had to systematically make excuses for why these things were happening. The more times I saw this mentality appear, the more my stomach tied itself up in knot. I felt like I was going to vomit up a ball of snakes. This almost would have been preferable, if they'd been some poisonous variety, as I could have trained them to use their complex scent receptors to weed out these people and find a way to bite them that would cause sterility.
I can understand that historic sense of patriotism. What I can't understand is having it blindly serving as justification for an event, so terrible that the mind needed some passable form of explanation as to why it happened. Mother Nature has always been at the top of the food chain and sometimes, I think, we tend to forget that. It's the one, all powerful, force that has no problem reminding us that - no matter how adaptive we get, we're still at her Mercy.
So, it's tough to be reminded we're not always at the top of the scrap heap. That's no excuse for making the rest of feeling almost ashamed to call ourselves Americans. It makes me wonder how many kids just happened to sleep through the part of American History where we learned how an estimated one hundred and fifty to two hundred and forty six thousand were killed in the atomic bombs that we dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Compare that to the grand total of Two thousand, four hundred, and fifty nine deaths in the attack on Pearl Harbor, an I think we've given the Japanese a karmic 'Carte Blanche' as far as that's concerned.
To see these overslept fools running amok on social networking sites was bad enough, but to see them actually gain steam and momentum among their peers? I couldn't believe it. I had expected the response to be an overwhelming stoning of these bastards. I would have been happy to see it. Hell, even if it had come hand in hand with capitalist values, with some rich, god fearing, fat cat setting up a stand to sell stones, I'd have been okay with it and probably would have shelled out my three bucks for some cheap, lumpy, limestone.
Then, of course, when the villains started lining up to crack senseless jokes at the expense of human suffering, it all made sense. There was talk of 'Revelation' of the 'End Times', of how Homosexuals and Heathen nations were to blame. It was blatant fear mongering. Everywhere I was looking people were super gluing 'Beware the Dogs of God' signs over picket fences and Garage doors everywhere. If these really are the 'End Times', I've got no choice but to make a strong drink and wonder....why point the finger at all?
It was 2011, ten years since Americans everywhere felt their reproductive organs jammed into a vice grip of forced patriotism and, world related, hate harboring. We've gone from clubbing anyone of vaguely Arabic appearance and banning them from flights, to, once again, condemning homosexuals and godless bastards for all the wrongs of the world. The more I saw of it the more I felt like these people drunk Roman dignitaries, sitting in my tower on high and laughing while everything, finally, burned around them.
Wasn't it time we moved past it? What had happened to those dedicated holdouts, clinging to the ideas of peace and general world acceptance? Sure a lot of them probably voted 'Green' and had probably contributed to the second coming of Bush Jr, but you couldn't fault someone too much for having the best of intentions - even if the execution was absolutely awful. Still, there should have been something left of them hanging around somewhere, but where?
It occurred to me that maybe they'd all grown up, that maybe there was still hope for them out there somewhere, balding, chemical free, still preaching the values of creativity and universal love. Maybe they were on small stages now, living rooms and couches, quietly discussing the wrongs of the world while sipping on wine, with one or two children running around underfoot. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks.
The rabbits were breeding at rapid rates, content to be blind to the world and all its real plights - they didn't affect them, so why bother? - and this was encouraging the rapid growth of immoral Jackals and emotionally bankrupt Wolves everywhere. This was enough to scare anyone with half a brain, and the common sense to be socially aware, into the idea that maybe now wasn't the best time to procreate.
Who could blame them really? Even those few, brave, souls who'd gone on to try and make something better of future generations had to admit it. This world wasn't one for high standing moral values and good intentions all abound - not unless there was some social popularity gain to be made out of it anyway. It was the modernization of philanthropy: Give a lot, give to causes, but make sure everyone knows how great you are by posting it everywhere.
Then you've got those last few, those hell bent to push through all the filth and swine, and make something better. They're hungry for truth and bacon, unquenchable appetites for change and standing up tall and proud for who they are and what they believe in. It's these people who walk the tightrope of our modern era with all the bravery of our armed servicemen.
It's a very dangerous time for these people, especially if they're in any kind of public or media spotlight. There are so many intricacies to what it means to be 'good' and 'wholesome' now. There's no room for indiscretion either. We expect the absolute pinnacle of human standards, at least in the public eye. In days of old, Truth was once the hallmark of 'American' values and news media. Now? Now we all operate on blind eyes and deaf ears. If we can pretend it doesn't happen? We're happy.
It's unfortunate that most new relationships will end, most people are dissatisfied with their lot in life and will slip from its grip at the slightest opening, that death and shameless robberies - for no good reason - happen every day. It makes for heavy feet to see the social structures dissolving, to see the hearts of children fill with judgments and rage, It's even more unfortunate that none of this seems to bother anyone - until we have a target large enough, that we can unleash it all in one, single, swoop.
Actors and Politicians are especially susceptible to those vultures, just waiting in the wings for the heat to get too hot, who'll drop in and pick the bones clean of any fool who dares slip even a toe out of the spotlight and tempt the darkness nobody really wants to look at anymore. It's all a matter of perception and if we can ignore the pink elephant in the room, well by God, it's our right as Americans to do just that.
When someone finally unleashes it though, say in terms of a President who may, or may not, have smoked Marijuana and diddled his secretary with a Cigar? Perhaps even a Governor of a thriving metropolis, who's battled corruption and crooks at every level, who went out looking for the company of the wrong woman after making some pretty powerful enemies in the money markets? Or maybe just a man so worn out on everything he sees that he finally breaks the tide of silence and strives for victory on a rocketship of self made ideas and self empowerment.
These are all people we've, at one point or another, extolled for their virtues and willingness to confront those dark and vile faces. They've given us names to hate and actions to be enraged by, situations to laugh at, and dinner conversations over overdone steak and TV dinners for middle American families everywhere. To a lot of people I know, these people represented Heroes in some these reasons. They rode a high wave that, at an abrupt an unforeseen moment, crested and rolled back. From there? We cut their legs out from underneath them and cast them into some dark corner where we never wanted to look again.
But why? That was the burning question that always stuck out in my mind. The answer always seemed to be, and continues to make the most sense, that we have to do this because they point out the things in us that we hate to look at - never mind admit. Infidelity, drug use, sex and other carnal indulgences, excess of anything. These are all things we all know exist, but prefer to pretend never happen in our lives.
We're Americans. We're good, honest, hard working, toilers who come home to our husbands and wives. We teach great moral values of cultural acceptance and how important it is to help the 'less fortunate' and oppressed. We're always there for our children, no matter what, teaching them right from wrong, to stay away from drugs, and to always be kind.
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