It's been a long, strange, trip. There have been many times I've looked around me and really thought about just climbing off the roller coaster. I've been tired of all the ups and downs, and I've swallowed more than should be survivable, just to get through it. I'm not going to pretend it's been healthy, or that I'd advocate any of the choices I've made for anyone. Life's not easy, owning it is even harder. It's a rough and tumble beast that doesn't take kindly to being saddled. It'll kick, buck, and toss you off at every opportunity. What's worse is, when you're laying there on your back, that sonofabitch doesn't even have the kindness to live and let lie. It's going to come straight at you, horns full bore, and you'll have to decide just how it is you're going to handle that.
I stepped up to bat, again, and swung. It's funny the kind of confidence you can feel with a bat in your hand, even if you've never been a sports fan. It's that kind of 'do anything' mentality that reminds everyone that you can always make it home, if you just knock the ball far enough away from you. Still, you're never going to get anywhere if you wait for every perfect pitch to come your way. I've dusted off my running shoes. I've flexed my muscles. I've done everything I could possibly do. I'm ready to run for it - once and for all. So, standing face to face with a stadium full of raw, unforgiving, facts, it's come to my attention that I'm doing everything right. I've put the pen to paper. I've unlocked the things I buried long ago. My arms are tight with anticipation, and my toes are digging into the dirt. Now's the time.
It's an empowering mentality even if the precipice can be daunting at best, but that's life, isn't it? Every moment carries with it to irrevocably change anything you've ever known in the blink of an eye - and frankly I don't see what's so bad about that at all. It's the fear that gets to people, really, and what's the point of that? Fear is the evolutionary response to self preservation - and what's there to preserve if fear gets in the way of good, honest, dream grabbing? I've spent too many hours in this chair, too many hours curled up in the sheets, staring out my window at the stars. I've started building rocket ship now. This cosmonaut? He's coming home to the stars where he belongs.
Is it nerve wrecking? Sure it is, but everything done with white knuckles and a half-cocked bottle of Kentucky Whiskey always will be - it pays to remember that. Everything we do, not everything we say, is the amalgam of just who we are and just how far we're willing to go for ourselves. Too long have I drawn a line that I just couldn't bring myself to cross. I've said it before an I'll say it again..
"Fear is the evolutionary response for self preservation - an I'm more afraid of wasting away doing nothing than I ever have been to see myself fall down and break some bones. It's time to turn up the volume, step on the gas, and watch the world blur out the windows.
Cineri gloria sera venit - To the dead, fame comes too late."
Here's to pushing up daisies some day, but making the most of everything between now and then.
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