Dealing with Change: The Dollars and Sense of not always getting what you want

Dealing with Change:
The dollars and sense of not always getting what you want

Life’s hard. It’s complicated, unpredictable – which is arguably what makes it fun – and full of intersections. It’s impossible to know just where you’ll end up at any given moment, or really why you ended up there. The how of the matter, which is the only thing you have any real control over, though is entirely plausible and tangible. Asking yourself how you ended up where you did never serves you as much purpose; instead, try asking yourself: “Why did I make the choices I made?”

We’ve all been there, with everyone; new friends, potential romantic interests, new jobs, moving, big life changes, the works. Sometimes things just don’t play out the way we want and, generally speaking, this process is something we all have to learn to manage. Were we too forward or too timid? Did it really all fall apart, or did we just intentionally not put enough gas in the tank? Did we misread a sign, or did we not see it at all? Did something change and, if so, why did it? These are all important questions to ask yourself, and sometimes the other parties involved too.

The key thing to remember is that life changes. It’s not a direct line or some constant, straight, road with well marked road signs to inform you of all the dangers and pitfalls up ahead. It never will be either – besides, that would be boring – but what happens when the sharp turn hits, and you find yourself spiraling from a position of ‘Person of Interest” into the caliber of good friend? What happens if you’re told you’re under qualified for that job you really wanted, or what you write just isn’t good enough?

My response to this has always been simple: “So. What.” It’s not a question, it’s a statement. If one onramp suddenly has flashing orange barrels and the caution tape slung over it? Don’t worry so much about it. If you find one of your aspirations being treated like a crime scene, it’s probably not the best place for you to get off right now anyway. There’s a myriad of reasons for it, but it’s the bottom line that matters: It wasn’t for you, at least not right now.

The post-disillusionment depression is normal. Give it its time; let it have its day in court. Drown it however you need to, loud music, excess, fast driving, good company, whatever, but don’t let it win. Whatever’s happening is temporary and, as long as you have a needle that’s not on E – in other words lounging around in Death’s waiting room, feeling crushed and defeated by life – you’ll be just fine.

If you do find yourself beaten senseless by the hordes of animals and wild beasts that tend to run amok in the jungles of dashed hopes and altered dream states, then there’s a problem. It’s easy to fall into it too, those dark and foreboding street corners, just off the highway of your dreams, without a single streetlight to guide you. These can cause anyone a very real sense of panic. There’s no way of knowing what’s in front of you, or on either side. There’s no way of knowing which way you should go, because you have no basis for direction. Don’t panic, there’s a simple solution.

Move. It doesn’t matter which way, just move. The gas pedal is always within reach. Don’t worry if the tank is on empty, just close your eyes, turn up the volume, and put your foot to the floor. Let the music pull you wherever it will; it’s bound to be better than inaction. Take your hands off the wheel, let the speed kick start your heart again. Turn the volume up even more – then open your eyes, grab the wheel, and decide. Whatever happens, where ever you end up, take with the knowledge you’re moving. You’re going to keep going on. You’re not going to slow down, and nothing is going to stop you now.

These are the magic moments, where it’s okay to realize you are, in fact, God of your own universe. You control the speed, you control the course, you can decide if the ride’s too fast and slow it down, but the catch is to never stop. There are many laws in the world, but the greatest crime of all? It’s stopping living. That choice will, one day, be made for you. Like it or not we’re all just charging forward, doing our best to avoid the Black Rabbit, and put as much space between it and ourselves as we can.

It’s why I advocate high speed living. The edge is out there, you will find it, and it will, eventually, take you over it. It’s a limitless road until then though and it’s best to take in as much of it as you can while there’s still time for you to do. Still, there’s no denying that final destination, the end of the road. It’s unfortunate but not tragic. The ride has to end sometime, but if you made the most out of it? There’s nothing to mourn and everything to celebrate.

The tragedy comes to those who decide to just end the ride because of some bad vibrations or truly loathsome circumstances. We all find ourselves stumped at times; screaming wild into the red bricks of a last call that snuck up on us out of nowhere, but there’s an inherent wisdom in that experience. There are plenty of walls, but you can go around them & should you find one you really if you really can’t? Don’t panic. There’s only one thing to do: Shut your eyes again and push harder, faster, and further than you have before; you’re stronger than stone, you’re unstoppable, and there’s more pavement just waiting for you on the other side.

Also, don’t be afraid of the road and take with you the knowledge that choice is what matters. If you chose to be indestructible, you are unstoppable. Don’t worry if the road looks rocky, untouched, unappreciated, or even unpaved. If it’s a road you want to take, then grab the wheel and take it. If you find yourself gripped by doubt, relax. Automobiles have rear view mirrors for a reason. You can always take a second look back, but don’t forget driving 101. Always. Watch. The. Road. You never know when something truly spectacular is going to be in front of you, and if you spend too much time checking your blind spots? You’ll miss it.

Take change like a wave; it’ll crash on the beach no matter what you do. You can’t stop it. You can’t control where it goes, how much damage it will do, or wet it’ll leave you at the end of the day. When confronted with this kind of water, you only have one choice: Climb on it and ride it into the sunset. Let it carry you where you will, and try and think of it like a brand new stretch of road, pristine and freshly paved; with all it’s winding, mountain side curves, snaking forward over your existence like a great Dragon, just waiting for you to grab on settle in for one of the greatest rides of your life.

Don’t be afraid to be surprised, or even lost, where ever it is you end up, and take comfort in being lost too. If you’re lost, it really doesn’t matter where you go – it has to be somewhere new and exciting because you’ve never been there before. You can’t always go where you want, but you can, always, keep going. You can’t always get what you want, but you can always get somewhere. Not everything will be anything, but anything always means there’s potential for something – and everyone knows that something is always better than nothing.

It’s these, often vital, things that become the easiest to forget when actually in a situation where they matter most. Despair is a giant, behemoth, of a monster that’s taken down some of the best and brightest the worlds ever known. Monster Hunters extraordinaire aren’t even always equipped to handle it, because there’s no way to track it. There’s no way to predict it, no way to see it coming, and you can be sure it’s always waiting in the wings; waiting for that one, perfect, moment to strike.

It’s not impossible to beat it though. Just remember: Anything in your way can be circumvented: Speed can outrun it, loud music and force it into retreat, and, barring these two options, you can always take it down with your fists. It’s your road, your highway, your life – despair is just the lingering threat of darkness that hangs out where you’re not looking. Don’t bother trying to see it, or even prepare for it. Just understand that it will find you.

It’s always preferable to be found by the black beast of despair, when you contemplate what else could be waiting for you. Don’t ever confuse despair and disappointment with Death. One waits, the other rides a pale horse – and if you see that crazy thing coming up in your mirrors? Don’t you dare slow down, make it work for you. Treat Death like a crazed Motorcycle cop in a bad horror movie that has to have a sequel. Never take it for granted, but never slow down to look and see if it’s still chasing you either. Understand that it always is, it always will, but you’re harder, better, faster, and stronger.

Gods only die when nobody believes in them anymore. Believe in yourself and you can go anywhere – but don’t half ass it. You’ve got to really know you’ve got the skills to persevere. No wave is too big, no speed is too fast, there’s no such thing as a wall you can’t knock down, and detours often bring you to places you never would have experienced otherwise. Pray to yourself and cut the breaks. Enjoy the ride – because it’s the only one you’re ever going to get and you don’t have the luxury of making a U-turn.