The Problem with Flamingos...

The Problem with Flamingos

And other, well meaning, social groups

We're social creatures, nobody ever tries to deny that, and I think that's good. Lately though, I've been noticing a remarkably disturbing trend among many different types of social groups. I don't think it's new, I don't think it's something that's just started to happen, but I do think it's something that we're, more and more, falling victim to by way of all these social networking sites in the world. It's that people, by and large, don't want to reach outside of their own social comfort zones in a face to face environment.

Let me start off by saying that I, in no way, think websites like Facebook, Twitter, or the, long dead, Myspace, are a bad thing at all. They are - or were - valuable ways to stay in touch with, and share the ideas of, the people you know..in principle. These sites, and most of us know and use all sorts just like them (I use all of them still, for various reasons, save twitter), were founded on a great principle: Bring you world together, share ideas, get your thoughts out there and really connect with those around you! - or at least that was the idea.

Now? Now it feels more like a collection of six second thoughts, generally sensible, but with no real deeper value than what's on the surface. Is this all bad? No, of course not. We all have thoughts like this, every day, multiple times a day. It only makes sense that some of these, for whatever reason, would make their way through the filters and onto the streams. One of the problems I see with this though is that it feels like that's become the majority of what these sites have become - and that's not even the biggest problem either.

The larger problem seems to be that, with the advent of modern communication (Internet chats, text messaging, and social media sites [all of which I use, and feel the need to admit so to avoid any sense that I might be 'preaching']),  is how we've started conducting ourselves off the internet. That, to me, screams of a huge social problem for my generation and future generations alike. It's, no longer, about who you are, or even what you do, never mind what you contribute to the world, but rather who you know and how similar your thoughts are to the, already connected thoughts, of someone else. It's really stunting every aspect of growth I see among many social circles of peers and, if unchecked, may well be a social epidemic on par with MMO-shut ins and all other forms of social addiction everywhere.

It feels, more and more, like one giant circle jerk of ideas, everyone spitting and spewing the same thoughts over and over again, in slightly different wording. Now-a-days, I see more and people with no interest in getting to know anyone outside of someone known by their peers as having identical mindsets and mentalities. This makes sense, in a lot of ways, an I don't argue it. Most people define 'friends' as those who they can share thoughts an ideas with who will agree with them. What I do disagree with is the process I see of ostracizing people who occasionally challenge those doctrines, or, perhaps, don't agree with everything as a whole, and want to [politely] challenge it.

It feels, and seems like social gatherings, both on and offline, have degenerated into a mindless pool of white noise, or, as my friend Matt Kelland put it?

"It's just noise, pretty much drowning out all the signal, and the only response people have is to turn up the noise."

How many times have you been talking to someone and thought; 'This person isn't really listening to me, just waiting for their turn to talk'? We've all been there, an I think we can all agree it's frustrating. When a conversation degrades into a one sided, wall talking, festival of spewing ideas, that at least one party has no interest in even being receptive to, everything from that point on just falls apart. Whatever happened to the challenging position of debates among friends, or having your beliefs tested those outside your normal social circles? What about approaching random strangers?

Nobody really wants to be socially challenged anymore, an I think that has a lot to do with a lot of the complaints I've been hearing about "the world" in general as of late. People say they've lost their faith in humanity - a position I would happily debate on a variety of points outside this one - but what I really hear is: I don't like people who don't think like I do.

We've established, if not become addicted to, the pattern of only surrounding ourselves with those who think just like we do. So, when an 'outsider' attempts to question or - God help them - argue a counter position? They're practically stoned to death for their trouble. In my opinion, it's this very notion that's led to a lot of the noted social decline these, so called, forward thinkers, are always complaining about. What's anyone doing about it though, really?

 Are we engaging, or teaching people, to engage these 'outsiders' in discussion? Absolutely not. We're right in our ideas, and we don't have the time for someone who doesn't agree with them - or at least fit in some like minded pattern of social stasis. It's a bunch of bullshit to me.

Personal growth cannot come from the constant affirmation of ones own ideas. Yes, it's good to know people think like you. Yes, it's good to surround yourself with like minded people. It is bad, if those are the only people in your world though. If you never step outside of those concrete social circles you've knit for yourself to be challenged by the world, how can you really ever expect to grow and mature? 

Think of it like you're a plant. You're a seed at first. Someone plants you in the sun, and waters you every day, sings to you maybe even. Sure, you have to deal with dust, maybe some bugs nibbling on your leaves, a frost or too; but you endure it. It strengthens you, helps you become a more hardly, stable, plant.

  These are you early childhood years, maybe even your teenage and adolescent years. They're the years in which all the things you think you are, are challenged. They're the years we all do the most social growth. It's what helps us find out what we like, and what we don't. It's a really good practice. What about when all that stops though? Then what happens? How is it we can continue to grow straight and tall, if we're not taking in the sun from all directions?

We don't. We end up crooked and bent, starving for sun as we bend and crane our way toward the cracks of sun petering through the tangle mass of all the other plants trying to cram themselves into the same wedge of sunlight. It's really weakening a just about every social scene that's a part of it, even the ones who're - and I use the term loosely - unique. 

I walk in a lot of different crowds. I have alternative (whatever-the-fuck that even means anymore) friends, I have 'blue collar' friends, some who are downright 'rednecks'. I consider myself friends with some politically minded people, protestors, artists, writers, and free thinkers. Do they all have a basic core that is similar? Sure they do, but I like to look outside of them often too. Why? Because, it makes me think about not just what I think about the world in all its facets, but why.

Knowing what you know, and feeling what you feel? That's all well and good, but without the why to back it up? Everything just slides down into a muddy soup of baseless shit - and frankly? I think it stinks. The next time you're in a room full of people you know, and see one, or two people you don't? Try talking to them. You could me amazed at what you find out about them or - more importantly - what you find out about yourself.

The only way we're going to change this pattern of basic anonymity, is to start getting to know people again. This doesn't mean invite them to be your Facebook friend, this means talk to them. Hell, stay in your comfort zone a little bit - text them if you want - but communicate with them. Stop holding one sided conversations, or only talking to people who know people that you do. Break the fucking trend and stop being sheep. Don't worry about what someone wears, or what kind of music they listen to..

And yes, I know, it's only natural to look for a sense of commonality in a friend, but why does everything have to be right to the friend stage? Just because you talk to someone you don't know doesn't mean they don't have to know the slightest fucking thing about you. Just because you talk to them doesn't mean they're instantly going to be your friend, but you never know what you might find if you try it. They could love you, they could hate you, they could inflame you, you might find them stupid. 

Guess what? The world's full of people who will fall into one of two categories: People you like and People you don't. It's high time that choice not be defaulted on because they don't seem like someone you'll like, or doesn't know enough of the same people you do.

Facebook is not life, and life should not be conducted like Facebook.