The problem with looking for signs of life: And not actually living it.

The problem with looking for signs of life:
And not actually living it.

I haven’t written much in damn near over a month, as I’m sure some of you have noticed. I took a hiatus – or something like that anyway – and just decided to get away from it all. Life had become a thing I spent too much time looking at and nowhere near enough time living, and that’s no way to go about your days. Life, in all its wretched splendor and unimaginable glory, isn’t something that should always be examined through a microscope. It’s not designed to be watched or experienced strictly vicariously – no matter the medium in which you do so. Life’s designed to be taken, hands on, no holds barred, with nothing held back. It’s not golf, we can’t take a mulligan on a shitty shot, though sometimes, wouldn’t it be nice if we could?

The point stands, however, that we can’t. We’re not given the luxury of remakes and we’ve certainly not figured out the mechanics of time travel – thank god – so we’re stuck with what we do, and what we’ve got. Isn’t that a real good, God Damned, incentive, to get out there and do something?

That’s exactly what I’ve been doing, really living. It’s been fly-by-night, spontaneous as anything, and has taken place from sunrise to sunset and, sometimes, back again. I’ve been filling the last 30 days with all manner of revelry and good times, things that genuinely enrich the value of life, and I’ve left no quarter to sedentary ideas nor spared any time for sitting still. There’s been a bit of everything, high powered intoxication, music making, travel, the ocean, hobo clowns, gypsies, art making and shows, extravagant food for any and every course of the day, parties, theater shows, acting, burning Christmas trees, – the works. There’s no plan to slow it down, not just yet, either but it has shown me something that I’ve found pertinent.

Don’t hold your breath, waiting for the moment to come to you, and then ponder over what to do. It’s like that, often abridged, Horace line: “Carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero – seize the day, putting as little trust as possible in the future.” Everyone knows the value of ‘Seizing the day’, but what’s often over looked is the moment.

Moments come frequently but are never, ever, duplicated. You will never have another, exact, chance for an experience that’s set in front of you, it doesn’t matter the moment. If you see someone sitting on the side of the road playing the banjo and waiting for a ride, and you love the banjo? Stop and have a conversation, petition them to play a song, maybe even give them a ride. If you see someone sobbing and down on their luck, don’t pass them by in the barren hope that someone else will tend the slack. If there’s a sunrise and you have nowhere to be? Stop and enjoy it. You never know what life will bring to your doorstep, but none of it matters if all you do is look at it through a peephole, safe on the other side.

There’s only so much living that can be done vicariously. Televisions don’t give you all the facts, nor cover all the right camera angles and even the most well written book will be skewed from the perspective of a conquering, or failing, protagonist.  Life is something that is designed to be experienced first hand and shared thereafter. Write a story, sit around the campfire and regale your comrades, keep a journal for people to find when you die, make tape and video recordings, whatever you want to do – but do first, because otherwise you’ve got nothing to share -- save maybe bunch of hand me down experiences that were never really yours.

So enjoy the river, swim in the waters, take risks – even calculated ones – step outside yourself, outside what’s normal, what’s comfortable, and just make the most of the winds that blow your way. Take advantage of the good fortune when they’re at your back and let them push you in all kinds of new directions. It’s this kind of, haphazard, new, and spontaneous, experience that could show you a whole new way to use your eyes – never mind all the other, slightly more important, parts of yourself.

Time is precious and everything about life is a one time offer. Nothing that happens in one moment will ever be the same, even if you’re one of the lucky few who have been offered a second chance at it. Make the most of every, single, day you have, doing whatever it is you have the chance to do. Talk to strangers, make a song, paint a picture, take a wild ride into the night, swim in the ocean, get out of the zoo, whatever you want to do – and can do without fucking anyone else over in the process – do it. Besides, you never know when there might be Chinese people in your future, just waiting to carve you up and make into the day’s ‘Chef Special’.

Never regret, just learn and grow. Never look back with disdain, just remember not to do it again. Never neglect today because of what might, or might not, happen tomorrow. Don’t save just for rainy days, and take the words of Horace to heart – and not just the parts that have become pop culture phrases in our every day language.

Original usage from Odes 1.11 –for the sake of perspective:

“Don't ask, it's forbidden to know, what end.
Don't play with Babylonia fortune-telling either.

How much better it is to endure whatever will be!

Whether Jupiter has allotted to you many more winters or this final one:

Which even now wears out the Tyrrhenian sea on the rocks placed opposite

be wise, strain the wine, and scale back your long hopes to a short period.

While we speak, envious time will have already fled.

Seize the day, trusting as little as possible in the future.”

Take the heart of the matter, the whole damn thing, and ride it off into whatever sunset you choose. Just don’t miss out on it because you’re lazy. Ride the wind, climb the wave, enjoy the ride, let it go where it will, but don’t expect it to do all the work for you. Memento mori – because you only get one chance to do as much as you can and anything worth doing is worth doing right.