How to Handle an Egg:

How to Handle an Egg:
Also know as: How not to handle a Human.

Eggshells are fragile and delicate things, things I'm sure we've all dropped and stepped on before. Expressions like these exist because, sooner or later, everyone ends up with the insides all over our faces and frying them up under the intense heat of social confusions that follow. We've all been taught to handle eggs with great care, to check them in the carton, from under the chicken, and never, ever, drop one on the ground. They're fragile, precious, and should be handled with gloves. There are cases, none of which are few and far between, that this sort of training is actually useful -- and then there are the times where it's a downright hindrance to value of honest words and a taxing, dishonest, stain on otherwise useful endeavors. 

Humans are, in a lot of ways, like eggs. We're occasionally rotten and smelly, we've got tougher exteriors than interiors, we come in all kinds of shapes, spots, and colors, we all like to get laid -- nobody can deny that -- and we do break when dropped. One of the key differences though is that, unlike eggs, our fractures aren't permanent or wasteful -- given the proper motivation. Sure, we're easily broken by harsh words and the insincere actions of others, but our shells do regrow. They fortify in places they're weak, and stretch in places where, perhaps, they're too thick. However, it's only in testing these shells that anything about them can really be determined. It's for this reason that handling a human being like an egg is, in fact, quite detrimental to their growth process.

For example. When attempting to spare the feelings out of "kindness", and the word should be used quite loosely here, and offer a half truth, I caution you to think just how much good you're actually doing for that person. You're letting them continue on under a forged banner of insincere praise and carry on looking like a fool, and yet this is something we're taught is the 'right' way to behave? Another example would be "sparing" someone say, the pain of rejection, but disguising the truth of disinterest under a gentle banner of simple reasoning that provides no room for discussion? It's not like we're stupid people, it's not like we're not able to see through the lies and, eventually, when the truth hits the light, you've ended up sinking the Titanic all on your own but only putting half your ice above the water mark.

So why? Why disrespect those we claim to respect out of a twisted and whoreish sense of being kind and considerate? These actions and their ilk are not the hallmarks of kind people at all. This kind of back water thinking is just the type of behavior that is often entitled serpentine; honey coated notes coming forth from the Devil's violin, tempting the well meaning seeker into a hailstorm of confusion and loss. When you're pretty sure everyone around you is too afraid to tell you the truth, how can you ever really know where to turn? It's just these kind of questions that turn the nutrition of the yoke into a green, sulfurous, stench of rot and decay. All other options are exhausted and all validations are to be questioned; hang the bastards quickly and get out of town before anybody sees you -- because you just can't be sure how you're being seen.

So take everything you know about handling eggs and, quite literally, throw it out the window when you're dealing with people. It's why we're all so fucked and deluded on our own megalomania. We've been raised to believe that contradiction and reality checking people is rude and possibly damaging and, in all truth, it absolutely can be just that. At the same time? We have the ability to heal from such slanderous attacks, even more so if we have the good fortune of being pre-exposed to them. It's the people who aren't taught that this kind of thing is actually good for you to hear, that end up losing their free ride into heaven -- where ever the fuck that is these days.

Be honest, always, with everyone. Even if you come across as the most inconsiderate fuck in the room at least you can do it with your dignity and self respect in tact. If you don't like someone, say so, and tell them why. Don't make up cheap, watered down, excuses. Your words will taste too sweet and the experienced drinker will always be more offended at the lack of alcohol burn when they swallow. If you don't think someone looks good in something and they ask you? Consider yourself obligated to tell the truth, no matter how excited they may seem about it. You're being asked because your opinion is respected and trusted. Anyone who abuses this position deserves only the harshest of "interrogations", to borrow a term from American Media, until they're convinced their ways are both ill and bankrupt.

Also? Never think you got away with sparing the shell. Eggs are a lot smarter than you think.