That thing everyone is doing..

That Thing Everyone is Doing

But nobody ever wants to talk about

That's right, this is going to be an article about Sex. It's that thing we all do and yet it's still something a lot of consider some shameful taboo. It's something most of us have done by time we hid the crossroads of adolescence, and nearly all of us by time we're adults. Yet it's become an ever present trend, at least in America, that we must demonize sex and turn into this vicious, dirty, primitive and unscrupulous act. It's something people only do one way, in the dark, with the lights off, and covered by six blankets. It's done only in the sanctity of heterosexual marriage. Anything else? Well, for the love of all things holy, righteous, and wholesome, you can never ever talk about it. It's the kind of thing that will ruin appetites and get you branded some kind of degenerate before you even realize what you might have said that's so dirty and wrong.

This is a real problem and not just because it somehow mystifies sex to the general public either. Sex has, since well before most of us were born, been a blasphemous topic. Churches outlawed styles and positions, and even the very real discussion of sex was something that could carry harsh punishments in the wrong crowds. Time, it seems, hasn't changed much of this mentality and it's still something only suited for hushed whispers. If it were only a matter of avoiding some people's awkward thoughts on the matter, or embarrassment due to language and terms? That wouldn't be so bad, but that's just not the case. We're teaching about abstinence, like somehow not talking about the forest will somehow save you from anything in it with sharp and nasty teeth. That is the problem.

It's because sex has been shoved into this, generally speaking, shameful light that nobody wants to talk about it; and this fact alone is why we have such a growing epidemic of undiagnosed sexual ramifications. It's because nobody has oral sex; never mind gives a blowjob or eats someone out, because nobody has anal sex, or sticks anything in someone's ass -- at least not in pleasant conversation -- that the problems are as bad as they are these days. Embarrassing as is to say "I caught STD X from having unprotected sex" when is the last time you ever heard anyone say "My partner gave me herpes by going down on me"? You never hear it, at least not in "polite" company, because nobody wants to talk about the fact that these things do happen. The question is though, why? Why is it such a shameful thing to put your mouth on someone else's body, no matter where it is?

Guess what? Sucking dick? Going down on someone? Sticking it in someone's ass? Some people like these things and, more importantly, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. There's also nothing wrong with being gay, a transvestite, a transsexual, being into S&M, or even wearing a fur suit and making barnyard sounds. Are these kinks for everyone? Absolutely not, but there's no reason to make them some kind of awkward taboo -- least of all in conversation. Not everyone is going to like these things, but that's no reason to make them criminal in the bright light. It's just that kind of thinking that gives any credence to the notion that these things are, in any way, dangerous. Frankly, with proper education, there's absolutely nothing dangerous about these things.

It's 2011, we've had the sexual revolutions of the past, homosexuals are coming out in the light with an ever growing frequency, we've brought AIDS and all the other S.T.Ds into at least some kind of public understanding, so isn't it high time we drop the scare tactics about all the other things we all know are going on anyway? Why should we have to take oral sex lessons in dark rooms, hunched over a laptop screen? Why not teach kids about these things in schools? It's not like they're not going to do them anyway, and education is the only we can ever really hope to make them safer. Could any adult, really, in this day and age, say they've never gone down on anyone and be telling the truth, or how about just done it "doggy style"? So why make it so awkward for everyone?

Sex is something everyone has eventually, and in a variety of ways in positions. It's not always going to be safe, but it shouldn't always be terrifying or uncomfortable either. Sex, nudity, sexuality, and all the things that come with it are things we should be being taught, much sooner than we are, to be comfortable with. The sooner we take these things out of the shrouded fog of taboo, the sooner we stop turning them into monstrous acts, and things worthy of damnation, the sooner we can actually worry less about the sexual boogeymen that go bump in the night. So talk, talk about sex, talk about fucking, talk about blowjobs and handjobs, talk about anal sex, and talk about preventative measure you can take to keep these things safe and fun -- because come on, if you try and tell anyone that sex is not fun? Everyone's going to know you're full of shit.

Finally? If anyone you know; kids, friends, family members, complete strangers who just need someone to tell, come out of the closet to you? Don't fucking shun them like some ignorant Neanderthal. There's nothing wrong with being into the same sex, period. If they you're kids and you're not gay? So what? You have the internet, and it's your goddamned job to educate your kids. Google it. Look up how gay couples have sex, encourage your kids to grow and explore who they are -- but to do it safely. If we keep trying to squash sex into this tiny box of shame, everyone loses. We all know better, after all, and if we aren't given the proper lessons on how the game is played? Well, pun not intended but withstanding, fuck it -- we're going to play anyway.