The Mistake of Counting Grains of Sand:
Taking the long road home and the importance of being mindful what you build out wood
Two years of silence, soldiering on through the hardships and the, to borrow a quote from a wiser man than I, "Blizzard of shame" that has become the world in which we share. There are half a dozen drafts and penned pieces that lay scattered on the floor, unfinished attempts to articulate, and pictures left unframed and set in a box. There's been work, mighty work, and words put to paper in other avenues, but I'd recently found myself inspired to sit down and put something to shape here. So, here it is for you, my Dear Readers, my gift to you this holiday season:
Tomorrow is neither a promise nor a guarantee, nor can you barter with the Universe for more sand in the hourglass. You get what you get and that's it. The world is not your home, at least not in totality. You're just passing through. It's important to remember that as you go forward, making your decisions, because they're going to impact your future and become your past. Not looking at that? That's akin to tumbling down the rabbit's asshole — a new phrase that seems far too appropriate — and it's not going to take you anywhere but round and round. Life's a highway, not a carousel. Ride on it all the way to your exit, but be wary of passing by the signs without paying attention.
"What makes a house grand, ain't the roof or the doors. If there's love in a house, It's a palace for sure." Remember that. Remember that the world is your house, and make it your palace, your home. Care for it. Keep it inviting. Make it a place full of love and you'll never find it empty, especially if it's love you've taught yourself to define and then you've gone on to share it with every person who you've opened the door to let in.
Be wary of solicitors and charlatans when they come knocking, the same as people who are strangers to themselves and their hearts. That kind of ignorance leads to a lot of "accidents". People who don't know who they are can't be trusted and people who're just trying to sell you something aren't interested in your value, just what you can do for them.
Don't define your days by your things. Who you are isn't your car, your stereo, or your house. Who you are is how you drive, the music that moves you, and the way you treat the places you hang your hat. Statues aren't legacy. How you'll be remembered however very much is and the only control you have over that is how you act. Be mindful of what you're leaving behind in the world and the footprints people might one day misinterpret. Be clear. Be honest, especially with yourself, and don't bother handing out platitudes. You're the architect of the future and the mason who will lay the bricks that become the past. People might get the wrong idea about what you've built but, the harder you try to be up front about that? The less chances you have to be remembered as crooked.
Be aware that everything in your life is temporary, every last thing. Nobody gets out of here alive and the best thing you can really hope to do is leave the world a better place than you found it. That, however, takes real and honest work. It takes a sense of self awareness that leaves you more than just a whirlwind of ego. Remember it goes hand in hand with your id and you've got to cultivate and work on both if you want to do more than just walk in circles.
"What makes a house grand, ain't the roof or the doors. If there's love in a house, It's a palace for sure." Remember that. Remember that the world is your house, and make it your palace, your home. Care for it. Keep it inviting. Make it a place full of love and you'll never find it empty, especially if it's love you've taught yourself to define and then you've gone on to share it with every person who you've opened the door to let in.
Be wary of solicitors and charlatans when they come knocking, the same as people who are strangers to themselves and their hearts. That kind of ignorance leads to a lot of "accidents". People who don't know who they are can't be trusted and people who're just trying to sell you something aren't interested in your value, just what you can do for them.
Don't define your days by your things. Who you are isn't your car, your stereo, or your house. Who you are is how you drive, the music that moves you, and the way you treat the places you hang your hat. Statues aren't legacy. How you'll be remembered however very much is and the only control you have over that is how you act. Be mindful of what you're leaving behind in the world and the footprints people might one day misinterpret. Be clear. Be honest, especially with yourself, and don't bother handing out platitudes. You're the architect of the future and the mason who will lay the bricks that become the past. People might get the wrong idea about what you've built but, the harder you try to be up front about that? The less chances you have to be remembered as crooked.
Be aware that everything in your life is temporary, every last thing. Nobody gets out of here alive and the best thing you can really hope to do is leave the world a better place than you found it. That, however, takes real and honest work. It takes a sense of self awareness that leaves you more than just a whirlwind of ego. Remember it goes hand in hand with your id and you've got to cultivate and work on both if you want to do more than just walk in circles.
The world can, and will be, a hard place at times — but not always. You can let it be easy, but you've got to remember that the only things you're ever going to get out of it are the things you work toward. Again, this is why you should work on yourself. Make sure you get yourself, in just about every sense of the word. Make sure you understand who you are and what you want. Make sure you understand why you want the things you want and work toward them. Put in the time and let being who you are be its own reward. I promise you, it's the most valuable gift you'll ever give — and it sets the maximum value on everything you'll ever give everyone.
Don't spend your life with the currency being ticking clocks and dripping sands. Don't watch the hourglass. If you really want to watch time go by, do it with the promises inherent in every sunrise. Share them with the people who matter most to you. Sit down and get real with what the coming day represents, in all its potential, because today's really all you've got. Tomorrow's a guess and yesterday's a brick you've already put in place. Build off the latter and in the direction of the former and you'll find yourself carried to all the high places you could ever want to go.
Happiness is not an accident or something that just happens to you. You've got to hunt for it and, if you don't put the time into yourself to figure out the shape that takes, you never will. It'll forever be the snow leopard, hiding a the top of the mountain. It'll elude you and you won't even be a meal it wants to pounce on in surprise. Be a feast for Happiness. Give it things to nurture it and encourage it to come inside. If you can't do that, your palace is just a thing made of wood and, again, you've got to be really careful with that because then people are going to remember it in ways you might not like.
You are the only answer you can give yourself that has any chance of being right. In order to find it though, you've got to ask the questions and look at the roads you're laying down. These things are the maps of who you are and they're the only way you're going to find your way home. The soul doesn't have a GPS, you've got to look up at the stars and find your own bearings. If you're not mindful of the roads you've taken, of the twists and turns you've accepted and will accept, you've got no hope to be anything but lost. Don't get lost on your way home and, worse still, don't forget that you can always build another one if needed.
When you've got it, or get there, put the hourglass in the closet. Don't count grains of sand or you'll miss the beauty of beaches. Embrace the waves, let yourself float, and build yourself somewhere soft to lay your head. Don't fill that space with 'Could have' or 'Should have' moments. Speak, and speak honestly. Live, laugh, and love. Be afraid, but don't let that be the tool that shapes your stone. Use it as motivation to be real because that's the only hope you've got to get anywhere.
Don't fill your bed with bad memories. Don't keep them in a shoe box or tuck them between the mattress. Don't leave them as minefields for your loved ones to find when they're digging through the memories of your home. Remember not a day will go by when you don't take yourself to bed and anyone you share that space with ought to be someone you love. It doesn't matter if it's your person — which is to say you —, your partner, or your pet, Your place of rest is where you start and stop all the spaces between life and death. My hope for everyone is that you find a way to share with everyone who touches it in a way that makes you smile in your sleep and excited to start your day with whoever it is. It's arguably one of the best feelings in the world.
Again, to borrow someone else's words: Be careful what you pretend to be, because you are what you pretend to be. Don't lie about who you are, to yourself or anyone. The truth might find its way to the light, but not before the world's already condemned your castle for being full of monsters and torn it to the ground. Worse still, you might still be alive at the time and forced right back to the proverbial woods that turn us all into babes, crying and screaming with no idea where to go and nothing to do but set up some temporary camp and pray we survive the night.
In that same vein, don't be dependent on others for your happiness. If you are, you're just giving them the control to take it away. Give it yourself first and then share it when you find someone who you want to share it with. Don't give people the right to snuff out your fire, but instead bring your candle close enough to theirs that both your flames can grow. Be independent in your feelings and honest about what they are. State clearly what you want and put sand to the best use there is for it: Drawing lines you're not going to allow to be crossed.
Be flexible and you'll break less. Don't sweat things you can already imagine a day you barely remember them, but don't hesitant to plant your feet alongside the river of your truth. This is where your roots are going to grow and you should be aware of the soil you've picked for yourself.
Keep track of where the potholes are in the road so, when you're on your way back back home, you're not hitting them again. Remember to keep one hand on the wheel always and two when the traffic gets heavy. Feather the gas to keep going forward and don't try to slam on the brakes every time the panic sets in. If you do that, the journey to being who you are is only going to be surrounded by safety and the highway's never safe — thus you're lying about the trip and short-selling the experience. Please don't do that, the same as I'd ask you please not to drive forward with your eyes glued to the rear view mirror.
You deserve to do more than just survive, to pray that you can get through the day, and you should be exceptionally wary of banking on prayers without any action to follow. Break your bread and share it with the world. Feed and nurture everything in it, including yourself. Find music that makes you dance, smiles you don't want to know a day without, and remind yourself what those things every time you see the sun hang low in the sky. Life's a mystery, but the places you find your value and your happy don't have to be.
You deserve to have the life you want, whatever shape that takes for you, and so does everyone else. Don't try to take that from anyone. Don't storm someone else's palace with a battering ram. Instead, fill your plate with something nourishing, walk on over, and knock on the door. If what you've got, if who you are is wanted in on the other side? You'll be invited and, again, that's one of the best gifts you'll ever be given.
Be someone who's wanted in a palace, especially your own. Be someone who's got love to give themselves and then to share. Be the warm fireplace for yourself before you try and share it with a weary traveler you met on the road. Be the soft music and the scent of fresh bread and a hot meal, and test your food before you let it go out of the kitchen. Be the blanket of warmth and try to patch the holes where the cold might get in. Be the laughter that'll infect the world, the smiles that'll invite it in, and the meal that'll nurture it.
Go home. Be in your palace and not your shelter made of wood. Enjoy the waves as they roll in on your shore. Be your own lighthouse to guide you back to where you want to be, and keep the lights on for the people in which you've placed value. Be present in your relationships, especially the one with yourself, and share the things that will see the bricks set where you want them to be. Give yourself the love you hope to find before you look for it anywhere else. Make your house, temporary as it may be, a home you never forget how to get back to and make sure to share your hearth often with the people who's flames come together with yourself. Sit around the tree that you are and let yourself grow roots right through the floor, decorate it with the light of your heart and the shiny bits of your value. Be your own Christmas star, be proud of who you are.
Be a gift to yourself. After all, it's Christmas and your presence is the best present.
