Words of Advice to the Up and Coming Generation:
A Top-Whatever list of warnings and suggestions on spending your time
Here it is, your life is passing right in front of you. Right now, it's happening. I'm serious. While you're sitting there on the cusp of a new chapter in your life, you're not thinking about that, but maybe you should be. You and I? We're part of the Up and Coming Generation. We're the ones who're changing our ways, picking new paths. We're the ones getting rattled by grand raconteur that lives in the back of our minds. We're painting green grass on the other side of fences we're just itching to climb. We know this because we woke up. We know this because, today, we took a breath. We put one leg in front of the other and got about our time in some way or another.
While you've been out, gallivanting one would hope, that's life. While you do everything you do, you're defining your life. It happens no matter what you do, but also because of what you do. Everything from the thoughts you think, to the actions you take, and the hours you sleep will impact your life. It's time you can't get back -- and it's important to remember that time is fleeting and likely shorter than you'd like. With that, we come to our first point:
- There are only two things you, as a human, can ever really give to anyone. What are these two things? You're time and your word. Ultimately, that's what every interaction you have with someone will ultimately boil down to at its base. You are giving your time to their company, and you're showing up for it honestly. If you abuse either of these points, or don't bring them to the table, you're not doing yourself any favors. That kind of interaction isn't going to help you either. Find somewhere more fulfilling to invest yourself. That kind of behavior is only well suited if you frequent your locker for your text books -- and even then it's pretty suspect when it comes to matters of substance.
Furthermore, these things are your currency in the world. There are how the rest of the world gains a measurement of how much they can expect if they chose to give you the same. If you've built yourself a reputation as being rather a bit of gimcrack (that's a cheap, but pretty, knockoff. For the curious). - You are the center point for every area of your life. That's it. Without you, things that happen in your life would not happen. It's that straight forward. Everything, from the good times to the bad, is your fault. You put yourself in some position where an event happened. It's why the sentiment of "Everything happens for a reason" is only applicable when the subsequent addition you can find printed all over the internet is attached at the end."And that reason is you".
Take credit for your good deeds and great moments. Be accountable for where, and when, you fuck up. Pay your debts to both, because you owe them. Don't try and shake it off or pass the buck. You did what you did. Own it,
I'm disappointed I feel the need to add this qualifier. I feel it should be abundantly clear I am not in the habit of victim shaming but, rather than adding it after the fact, I want to go ahead and be real up front with you.
This is not to say you're responsible for the wickedness of others either, so you can hold that argument. That's what they are, or should be, responsible for here. Maybe you made some mistakes in how you handled them, maybe you missed some warning signs, or maybe you had absolutely no clue them villain in your vignette was going to turn out to be the villain at all. Nobody is blaming you for that. Some people are just monsters and, in that respect, it is our job to make sure they know that so (at least we can hope) they might change their subhuman behavior in the future. - Just because someone has not shared in your plights does not mean they have no right to add their voice to an understanding that is wrong. Empathy is one of those things that's a double edged sword to a lot of people, especially in a world where you can be accused of being an insensitive (or worse) person because you did not conduct yourself in a manner that the sub-divided masses think you should have. No human being on the face of this planet will understand what it is like to be you. Not one person will think what you think or feel what you feel because there is no way that is impossible without them being inside your head.
It doesn't matter if you've got shared cultural backgrounds or experiences. It doesn't matter if the antagonist behind what's happened to you is the same person. You can find common ground there, because unfortunately life gave you the bricks to build bridges over the same river, but how you build it is entirely yours. - Don't mistake a pattern of harshly judging yourself as your dedication to self improvement. It's really okay to not be exactly where you want to be. I know, in a world that says "to be a success you must accomplish X", it's easy to forget that. I know that you can look in the mirror and know each and everyone one of your shortcomings and things that are "wrong" with you. I know you can sit in a quiet room and feel like you're wasting your time. I know that you can tell yourself that you're not where you want to be and that, because of this, you are failing yourself.
You're not. I know it can feel like it, I know you can make the argument that you haven't done enough, but not everything needs to be done in a day. You're a growing person, someone who is impacted daily by the events of a life that sometimes feels like it's beyond your control. You're subjected to things where you've got to react, you're going to hit setbacks and things are going to happen that seem to undo the years of hard work you've put in to making you, well, you.
This does not mean you've failed, only that you're once again being tested. If you find things aren't up to the bar, take a good look at what misses. Decide if you want to put in the work to get it back or if, maybe, you've changed to the point you're ready to let it go. So long as you're living, it's never too late to go back for a piece of yourself you left by the side of the road -- just make sure you're not pulling a U-turn to go back and pick up your own bullshit. - Don't lock your heart up in a box and hope for someone to come along who has the key. Seriously. Don't. Spend time with your heart, have a conversation with it, and get to know it intimately. Love it like you want it to be loved. Get to know where it's weak, where it's strong, where you want it to be harder, and where it needs to be softer. Understand the language it speaks and the language it needs to hear. Learn how to communicate that, learn to teach that language to others.
And then wear it where the whole world can see it.
A life spent hiding your love away and then hoping someone has the tenacity to come digging for it is a recipe for hard times. Nobody should need to be an emotional archaeologist, digging through the layers of your past and tunneling under walls, just to be able to love you. Nobody should have to wander through traps and try and bribe the locals just to get to love you. Nobody has to know how to solve the puzzle of you, because you are not a puzzle. You're a glorious and complex human being who has got the right to be loved. If you're finding you can't find it, maybe it's because you're setting obstacle courses that people don't want to run through.
Try instead of taking your heart outside of your head. Try to let it roan free from the tower you build to protect it. I promise you, it's more resilient than you think it is and, so long as you're not holding onto pieces of it, it'll come back together. - No matter what you might think, at any given point in time, you are not alone. Honestly, you're not. You live in a world with billions of other people. You live in a world where, even if someone doesn't know what it's like to walk a mile in your shoes, they've got similar footwear somewhere in their closet. Maybe they can't precisely say they know your pain -- and they shouldn't -- but that doesn't mean they can't understand it. More than that, you don't need to understand someone to be there for them.
Almost everyone on this planet will encounter something in life that's too heavy to carry on their own. It can be difficult for us to admit it, it can feel like we're unfairly sharing a burden and asking for help when everyone's got it rough, but if there's one thing I can say for certain about that behavior? It's arrogant. If there's two things about it? It's selfish.
You have no way of knowing what anyone can, will, or wants to handle. If you're telling yourself it's too much for them, or it's not fair of you to share it with them, that's taking agency with someone else's feelings and you're being a prick to everyone involved. Stop it. I know it's hard, I know you don't want to feel like you're some whiny child asking for help, but let other people reject your request if they want to -- and then ask someone else if they do.
There's nothing wrong with saying you need help but, I promise you, there will be a whole lot more that goes wrong if you try and handle it all yourself. - Take at least a regular sojourn outside your comfort zone. Trying new things is one of the easiest ways to find new sources of joy in life, it really is, and this is especially essential if you find your "tried and true" methods of handling life are starting to fail you. Even if they haven't, do it anyway. That's it.
- Being vulnerable to being hurt is essential to being loved. I know this one sucks, but it's true. Be vulnerable, do it. Don't think of it as being brave. Don't think of it as being courageous. It might be all of those things, but I strongly advise that you don't make it about those things. Make it about confronting your fears of being hurt. Make it about trusting your own worth enough to be surprised when the world sees it too. Show it to them so they have that opportunity. If you don't open yourself up to it, the space your using to let people in won't be a big enough door for them to actually get through.
I'm not saying knock down the castle all in one day. - Learn to feed yourself. I mean this in every way I can think of at the moment. Learn to cook the food that you like, learn to share it with people who bring more to your table than just sides. Learn to let the people in who nurture you. Read books that feed your soul, watch films that feed new ideas, and subject yourself strange cuisine solely for the sake of knowing where your tastes really end up.
Starvation of the self, either because you've chosen not to feed your soul or because you've given all your food away, is a surefire way to stagnate. On the other hand, nurturing yourself to be who you want to be is the most surefire way to make sure you end up there. Feed yourself the love you want to feel and watch how you grow. Don't rely on the spoon of a stranger to bring you the nourishment you need, learn to cultivate it and share it. Be twice as wary if you find yourself needing airplane noises to get the good things down the hatch.
Don't be afraid to break bread, but understand the difference between the people you invite to your feast and the people you ask to sit at your table. Be discerning and keep extra chairs handy for when the surprise guest shows up and you discover they're sitting someplace other than where you'd rather have them be. Invite them to join you. See what happens. - It's okay -- if you let it be. Whatever it is, I promise you, it's okay. It doesn't matter what you're feeling or facing, what you're handling or holding inside. It doesn't matter if you're taking deep breaths or if you feel like you're drowning, if you're angry at yourself or afraid of what happens when you open the blinds and let the world see in. These are the trials and adversities of life. To reiterate: You don't have to handle them on your own. You're not less of a worthwhile person just because of it. You're not anything but someone who's trying to make it, and that's okay.
I know it's hard to convince yourself of that, that you're not somehow less than because of whatever reason you've decided justifies that conclusion. I'm here to tell you that you're not. It doesn't matter if your health is failing you. It doesn't matter if your heart is failing you, your head is being a dick, or your soul is starving and ravenous. You are okay. You're human. These things happen. I'm repeating it to drive the nail home because it's probably one of the most important pieces of advice I have to give you. - A disagreement with your perspective is not always criticism. Another one I can't stress enough is this one. Not everyone will agree with you -- which is good, because that would be boring -- but just because someone doesn't think like you do does not mean that one of you is wrong. Most of like, like every single piece of advice presented here, is a reaction to previous experience and an expression of the thoughts those responses have brought to us. For the thousandth time, not everyone will know exactly what you've been through. It's just not possible and, with that notion in mind, it's important to remember that will lead people to very different conclusions about the world than you have for yourself.
Now, you can absolutely criticize someone for disagreeing with you. They can do it to you too. Maybe this is a fundamental point about your personalities that is different. Maybe it's something you feel you need to defend because you're so against the position on the other end. Whatever the chosen reason, it's important to remember that this kind of thing is built upon the same foundation as the idea in question. You're choosing to take a position of offense because someone thinks differently than you.
It's especially important to apply this to conversations with yourself. Let yourself be able to change your mind -- because it's entirely possible you might not have one if you can't. - Don't forget to let yourself when you get tired. You decide your own timetable for satisfaction and, just because you want it done right-fucking-now does not mean it's possible. Sorry to break it to you, but not every problem you come across is something you're going to be handle right now; not every door in your history can be opened. You hid some keys for yourself for a reason and it's not always as simple as retracing your steps. Sometimes you've got to fashion a new key, sometimes you've got to teach yourself how to be a locksmith.
Whatever you need to do, you won't always be able to handle it all at once. Again, this is okay. It will wear you down. It will wipe you out. It will make you want to put your head down on a pillow and sleep for days. It'll take everything you've got to wrap your hands around the brass handles on that door sometimes. Just remember that endurance isn't always about how far you can go, but how well you can pace yourself to work with what you've got to give. - Learn to need yourself in your own life. Learn to be okay with being selfish, with coming first. Understand that you are essential to your own existence. That's it.
- Go. Go where? Exactly. Ask that question. Ask yourself where you want to go and then go. Go on adventures. Go to the company that makes you feel like you're at home. Go to yourself. Go to places you enjoy. Go places you've never been. Go deep into your own soul and go into others. Go outside of yourself. Go find who you are. Go challenge yourself. Go love yourself. Go want. Go dream. Go create. Go be "better". Go live. Go laugh. Go fall in love. Go find an answer to a question. Go be brave.
Go be afraid, and then keep going. Go being hurt, and then go find yourself a space to heal. Go meet yourself at a new crossroad. Go be yourself in a room full of strangers and go where you find it accepted. Go read. Go grow. Go create your own personal masterpiece. Go be your raison d'etre. Go climb that goddamned mountain. Go spread the light and love you've got all over the world. Let go of what people do with it.
Go be a beautiful disaster. Go be your own magnum opus. Go out unto the world and let it do what it will. Go meet the person you're going to be tomorrow and go right ahead and fall in love with them. Go out there and find a reason to bed at night with a smile on your face. Go. Get out there. Get in there. Go to yourself. Go home. Go out. Go dance, go cry, go be broken and go put yourself back together. Go bring someone some glue who has got less than you. Go do, go be, go big, go all the way.
Go meet yourself. Go meet strangers -- actually meet them -- and go learn about them. Go see a life that isn't yours -- even if it's just the one you've been letting yourself live for awhile.
Just. Go.
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